In order to make a covenant with Lavan, Yaakov told “his brothers” to take stones. Yaakov had only one brother, Eisav, who was not with him at the moment. The midrash cited by Rashi points out that his “brothers” refer to Yaakov’s sons, whom he called brothers. The question is, what are the midrash and Rashi teaching us here? Why does the Torah refer to Yaakov’s sons as his brothers? Let the Torah call them his sons. Rav Shlomo Wolbe zt”l explains that part of chinuch is to have your children become your partners. If a child feels that he is a partner in his parents’ mitzvah and chesed activities, he does not feel that he is being forced to do something, or that his parents are providing for someone else rather than attending to the child’s needs. Quite the contrary, he feels honored by the responsibility (Zeriah U’Vinyan B’Chinuch, page 27).
A veteran mashgiach once spoke at a chinuch convention about responding to a case of severe misconduct. He told the following story: “I used to be the mashgiach in a yeshivah where many of the boys came from weaker homes and were making their way in Yiddishkeit. Once, in the middle of a shiur, I noticed one boy resting his feet on a pile of Chumashim that were on the chair in front of him, with a slightly defiant look on his face. My instinctive feeling was to unleash a good tongue-lashing. Baruch Hashem, I caught myself in time. Yes, he was being a wise guy, but it wasn’t much more than that. Considering where this boy came from, the behavior wasn’t shocking. He hadn’t been raised to treat s’farim with reverence, so it was natural enough for him to do what he did without really appreciating its severity. In addition, he was a very sensitive boy, and coming under attack would likely have caused him serious harm. On the other hand, I couldn’t ignore it.
“As I hesitated, other boys noticed, and they motioned to him to take his feet off. The boys looked at me apprehensively, to see how I’d react. By not reacting, I would cause them to take the matter lightly. I closed my eyes as I tried to think of a solution. There was a tense silence. Everyone was waiting for me to respond, and I simply didn’t know how. Then, I had a brainstorm, baruch Hashem. I opened my eyes and said, ‘I cannot continue this shiur. I don’t think I’m qualified to do so. I see that I’ve been on the wrong track in my chinuch approach. I have to correct my errors, and I’m going to do it right now.’ The boys were in shock. They stared at me with wide eyes and bated breath. The boy himself also looked very tense.
“I continued to speak. ‘This is my fault. The boy who did this isn’t aware of how severe it is. But I should have taught him about this. Instead of speaking about lofty ideas, I should have first taught the basics of the lifestyle and behavior of a ben Torah. So, I am stopping this shiur, and I am committing, bli neder, to fast for a day in order to atone for what happened.’ I closed the sefer I was reading from and began heading out. The Rosh Yeshivah, who had been sitting on the side watching, also stood up and said, ‘I share the responsibility. I am also going to fast for a day, bli neder.’
“Never before did I fast with such an inner sense of joy. The impact this had on the boys was wonderful. It was the talk of the yeshivah, and the boys clearly took it very much to heart. But even more special was the effect that this “punishment” had on the boy who had done it. He tried to assume the guilt himself and convince me not to fast. I rejected his arguments, but he persisted, saying that even if it was my fault, he also shared the blame, so I need to also provide him with some form of atonement. Knowing how sensitive this boy was, I was nervous about causing him to feel guilty.
“However, I did believe that, since he had initiated the request, he could handle it. So, I accepted his argument and suggested that he undertake to be very careful about the honor of the beis midrash. From that day, we no longer needed hired help to keep the beis midrash in order. This boy’s dedication to his new job was amazing. The beis midrash always stayed clean and neat all day, every day. Even years later, when I was already teaching somewhere else and returned to visit the yeshivah, I found the beis midrash very neat and clean. It had turned into something of a tradition that keeping the beis midrash clean was a position of prestige.”
[adapted excerpt from Spare the Child by Rabbi Yechiel Yaakovson]
Rabbi Dovid Hoffman is the author of the popular “Torah Tavlin” book series, filled with stories, wit and hundreds of divrei Torah, including the brand new “Torah Tavlin Yamim Noraim” in stores everywhere. You’ll love this popular series. Also look for his book, “Heroes of Spirit,” containing one hundred fascinating stories on the Holocaust. They are fantastic gifts, available in all Judaica bookstores and online at http://israelbookshoppublications.com . To receive Rabbi Hoffman’s weekly “Torah Tavlin” sheet on the parsha, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
