Last week, we read of klal Yisrael’s preparation for the sublime experience of Matan Torah: Sh’loshes Y’mei Hagbalah – the three days prior to the Revelation, the great fire and smoke that rose like from a furnace, the lightning, shofar blast, Hashem’s “voice” ushering forth from the mountain. This week, we read of the rights of the servant and maid, the laws of damages and watchmen, the prohibition against oppressing the foreigner, orphan, or widow, and against cursing people and corrupting justice. What is the connection?
In effect, we have here the thrust of Judaism in one brief anecdote: serving Hashem while ensuring to treat others properly. We received two Luchos at Sinai, the first containing the mitzvos between man and G-d, and the other presenting the mitzvos between man and his fellow man. The Almighty chose to teach us monetary and damage laws, rights of servants, the proper treatment of orphans, widows, and strangers, immediately following Matan Torah, in order that we implant this understanding within our hearts: Complete avodas Hashem must combine both Luchos – the laws governing one’s relationship with Hashem, and those regarding one’s conduct towards others.
An aging bachelor was having a difficult time finding a shidduch. Day by day, year by year, this once eligible bachelor was becoming less and less eligible, as he just couldn’t find the “right” one. To top it off, he had an additional “shortcoming” that made finding a match for him all the more difficult. He had stipulated to all shadchanim that he would only listen to a proposal for a girl who was prepared to care for his elderly and ailing mother, and would allow her to live in their home once they were wed. He was adamant about this. Needless to say, this precondition did nothing to enhance his opportunities or endear him to prospective candidates, and soon, fewer and fewer offers came his way.
The boy’s relatives were up in arms over his precondition. Even without it, they reasoned, it was not as if the shadchanim were breaking down his door, and the stipulation all but guaranteed that the prospects wouldn’t even knock politely. “Your only hope,” he was assured repeatedly, “is to have your dear old mother admitted to an old-age home, where she will be cared for and looked after with professional care.” He wouldn’t hear of it.
Due to the mounting and relentless pressure that his family and close friends had imposed, the bachelor reluctantly turned to Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l and presented his situation. On the one hand, he loved his mother dearly and knew nobody could love and care for her like he did; on the other hand, it was clear that this was affecting his present ability to get married. Rav Shlomo Zalman listened carefully and weighed all the sides of the equation. Then, he told him that he heartily agreed with the bachelor’s stipulation. The Rav contended that the most important thing about a prospective wife was her good character. Her willingness to accept such a difficult condition would attest to the fact that she was imbued with wonderful midos tovos and a pure heart. Furthermore, insisted Rav Shlomo Zalman, if he decided to settle for a girl who did not meet this criterion, and in the end, his mother had to be placed in an old-age home anyway, the new husband would forever hold a grudge against his wife, thinking that because of her heartless inconsideration to his mother’s plight, she is being forced to live out her years among strangers.
Relieved that his way of thinking had been vindicated by the great Gaon’s confirmation, the bachelor continued to adhere to his inflexible precondition and refused any offer that did not meet it. Amazingly, though, it appeared that Rav Shlomo Zalman had not only rendered a decisive ruling, but also a spectacular blessing, for soon after the encounter, the not-so-young bachelor returned to the Rav to tell him the delightful news that he was finally engaged to be married.
Rav Shlomo Zalman was overjoyed. “Now you know for sure that you have a woman with gilt-edged qualities,” Rav Shlomo Zalman declared. “And now, too, the time has come for you to make arrangements for your mother in a good old-age home. It is far too much responsibility for a young wife to have to bear such a burden.”
Rabbi Dovid Hoffman is the author of the popular “Torah Tavlin” book series, filled with stories, wit and hundreds of divrei Torah, including the brand new “Torah Tavlin Yamim Noraim” in stores everywhere. You’ll love this popular series. Also look for his book, “Heroes of Spirit,” containing one hundred fascinating stories on the Holocaust. They are fantastic gifts, available in all Judaica bookstores and online at http://israelbookshoppublications.com. To receive Rabbi Hoffman’s weekly “Torah Tavlin” sheet on the parsha, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
