Question: How does one do t’shuvah for speaking lashon ha’ra?
Short Answer: One who speaks lashon ha’ra and causes damage to the person being spoken about must seek forgiveness from that person, as well as following the regular t’shuvah process for sins between man and Hashem. He should also learn Torah.
Explanation:
I. Just Learn Torah
The Gemara (Arachin 15b) cites the statement of Rabbi Chama bar Chanina that the “takanah” for speakers of lashon ha’ra (who are talmidei chachamim) is that they should learn Torah. Unlearned people who speak lashon ha’ra should instead lower themselves, i.e. gain humility. Rabbi Acha bar Chanina disagrees, as there is no way for speakers of lashon ha’ra to do t’shuvah. This is because David HaMelech already wrote in T’hilim that speakers of lashon ha’ra will be cut down. Rather, they should learn Torah or lower themselves in order to avoid speaking lashon ha’ra going forward.
Interestingly, the Rambam (Hilchos Dei’os 7:2) cites the pasuk in T’hilim referenced in the Gemara according to Rabbi Acha bar Chanina, but appears to limit its application to “baalei lashon ha’ra,” i.e., perpetual or frequent speakers of lashon ha’ra.
II. Two Interpretations
Rav Itamar Garbuz shlita, the son-in-law of Rav Gershon Edelstein zt”l (in a haskamah to Eimek HaLashon) cites the sefer Zeicher Tzadik who explains the above Gemara in Arachin. The Chovos HaL’vavos writes that a person who speaks lashon ha’ra receives the aveiros of the person who is the subject of his lashon ha’ra. Accordingly, normal t’shuvah will not suffice. Normally, to do t’shuvah, a person regrets his actions, and when faced with a similar situation to sin, refrains from doing so. However, here, since the speaker never actually performed the sins of the person he spoke about, nor did he have a temptation to do so, it is meaningless whether or not the speaker does not do that same aveirah when faced with such a situation. Thus, the only way to do t’shuvah is through learning Torah, a catch-all cure to all aveiros.
Rav Garbuz suggests a second explanation. In order for the speaker to undo his aveiros, he needs to do t’shuvah “mei’ahavah” – out of love for Hashem. Once such t’shuvah is performed, even the aveiros of the people he spoke about will disappear. However, t’shuvah “mei’ahavah” is a result of learning Torah. Thus, in order to fully do t’shuvah and rid himself of all the t’shuvah connected to his lashon ha’ra, the speaker must learn Torah to ensure that his t’shuvah is really “mei’ahavah.”
III. The Chofetz Chaim’s Opinion
The Chofetz Chaim (Lashon HaRa, klal 4:12) likewise addresses the t’shuvah required by a speaker of lashon ha’ra. If the listeners did not believe the lashon ha’ra, and thus the person spoken about was not damaged, the speaker is only left with an aveirah of bein adam laMakom (between him and Hashem). The speaker must regret his actions and accept not to speak lashon ha’ra again, no different from any other aveirah between him and Hashem. [As an aside, the Dirshu edition of the Chofetz Chaim (p. 299, n. 85) notes that this is a big chidush by the Chofetz Chaim, that there is no bein adam l’chaveiro violation if the person who was spoken about is not damaged in any way. Others, such as Rav Yitzchak Hutner zt”l disagree and hold that there is an aveirah bein adam l’chaveiro even if the subject of the lashon ha’ra does not feel any pain.]
However, if the listeners believed the lashon ha’ra, thereby causing damage to the person being spoken about, the speaker must beg forgiveness from the person he spoke about. Even if the person forgives him, the speaker must also perform the same t’shuvah as above for the aspect of bein adam laMakom. The Chofetz Chaim adds that if the listener is unaware of the lashon ha’ra, the speaker must reveal to him the lashon ha’ra. This accentuates the severity of speaking lashon ha’ra, as it is nearly impossible to seek forgiveness from all the victims of the speaker’s evil speech. [As an aside, the Dirshu edition of the Chofetz Chaim (p. 299, n. 92) notes that this requirement to reveal the lashon ha’ra to the person spoken about is not clear. Indeed, the Mishnah B’rurah (Orach Chayim 606:3) appears to disagree and writes that one should NOT reveal the sin to the aggrieved person if it will cause the aggrieved person embarrassment. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichos Shlomo, Aseres Y’mei T’shuvah, p. 45, n. 24) thus limits this statement (in sefer Chofetz Chaim) to a scenario where the aggrieved person is not embarrassed by the speaker revealing his misdeed.]
It appears that the Chofetz Chaim understands that lashon ha’ra is no different from other aveiros with respect to the t’shuvah process. But what about the Gemara in Yoma (above) that cited an opinion that there is no t’shuvah available for someone who speaks lashon ha’ra? The Chofetz Chaim answers (B’eir Mayim Chayim, ibid, 49) that there is no contradiction, as the opinion in the Gemara means that it is nearly impossible to track down all the people that you spoke about to seek forgiveness. In other words, there is a t’shuvah process, as by all aveiros, but it is very difficult to achieve.
IV. The Eimek HaLashon’s Question
The Eimek HaLashon (p. 230) asks: But what about the other opinion in the Gemara? How does learning Torah play a role in the t’shuvah process? If lashon ha’ra is simply like other aveiros, why do you need to incorporate learning Torah into the t’shuvah process?
The Chofetz Chaim (in Biur Halachah, Orach Chayim 571) discusses the role of fasts and other physical punishments that a talmid chacham might want to perform as part of the t’shuvah process in general. The Chofetz Chaim cites the Sh’lah and the Chayei Adam who urge a talmid chacham not to participate in such “sigufim” (afflictions) but instead to learn Torah, which will serve the same t’shuvah function as these afflictions.
Based on the above, the Eimek HaLashon answers for the Chofetz Chaim. The opinion that advocates for learning Torah as part of the t’shuvah for speaking lashon ha’ra is following these words of the Chofetz Chaim (in the Biur Halachah), that Torah removes aveiros. But the Gemara in many places requires a sinner who violates aveiros that are bein adam l’chaveiro (between you and your friend) to seek forgiveness from the friend? Yes, but learning Torah at least removes the bein adam laMakom aspect of the sin.
V. Other Thoughts
Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein shlita (Kuntres Iyun HaParshah, Vol. 138, p. 70) was asked by a baal t’shuvah for the proper way to do t’shuvah on past lashon ha’ra spoken before he became observant. Rav Zilberstein responded, based on the halachah, as found in Parshas Tazria/M’tzora, that a m’tzora needs to shave his hair as part of the purification process. Rav Zilberstein explains, based on the Gemara (Bava Basra 16a), that every hair has its own space on a person’s head. However, when hair is long, it appears that each hair is overlapping with each other, i.e., getting into everyone else’s business. In order for the m’tzora, who spoke lashon ha’ra, to become tahor, he needs to shave his head as a reminder that each person has his or her own focus and lane, and that he should not meddle into the doings and comings of his friend.
Rav Zilberstein thus suggested to the baal t’shuvah that he should shave his hair very short as a reminder of this lesson. He should also dress with humility and not be showy.
Rabbi Ephraim Glatt, Esq. is Associate Rabbi at the Young Israel of Kew Gardens Hills and a practicing litigation attorney. Questions? Comments? Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
