Labor is supposed to move forward, but for us, it felt like going in circles. Contractions. Hospital drive. Intake nurse. Examination. Verdict: “You’re not in labor. Come back when you are.” Repeat. Over and over again, this was the exhausting loop my daughter, son-in-law, and I were caught in for days.
Yes, I too was caught up in this loop. When I had my babies, things were simpler: once contractions began, my husband and I went to the hospital and waited for the baby to come. Today, at least in Israel, having a baby is not just the mother’s and father’s affair. Most often, someone else joins the couple at the birth. It is very common for women to use doulas. It is also very common for a mother to accompany her daughter to the birth. While this concept felt more than a little strange to me when I first made aliyah, over the years, it has come to feel like the most natural thing to do.
When my daughter asked me to join them at the delivery, I was thrilled… and also a bit scared. The last time I had participated in a birth was when my only daughter, who was not in labor, was born. This went back a few decades. I was feeling a little rusty—not to mention untrained and even ignorant. I discussed the issue with my friend, who is herself a doula. She explained the many advantages of having a doula present at the birth. I could certainly provide emotional support, but I knew most of the practical benefits she described were beyond me. I didn’t want to come to the delivery room with a big bag of popcorn to watch the show. I wanted to be helpful. But how could I be helpful? What did I know about deliveries?
Then I heard about a Savta Doula class. A trained doula taught a two-hour workshop about what to expect during a delivery and how to be helpful. Those two hours were a great investment. While they couldn’t compare to rigorous doula training, I felt I now had something to give. I was ready!
So, there I was, caught in the loop. We don’t own a Tesla, but after so many false alarms, it felt as though our car could make the trip to the hospital on its own. Although I do have some clear recollections of my own deliveries, I don’t recall every detail. But I clearly remember, particularly in the case of my daughter’s birth, being told I wasn’t in labor and being sent home. Several times. I felt like a child sent home for misbehaving, told to return only when I had finally gotten things right. It was very frustrating. Was this some form of midah k’neged midah? Probably not. But since I hadn’t experienced it with my other births, it did make me wonder.
After another round of the loop, when my daughter was told not to return until she “saw stars,” my kids decided they didn’t want to go home and come back again. They wanted to wait out the labor—which we knew she was in—locally. But where could we comfortably wait? As it turns out, my son-in-law has a friend who lives in a hotel room provided by his work, a short ride from the hospital. His friend kindly invited us to relax in his hotel room. He welcomed us in, showed us around, and then left for work. We had a quiet and comfortable two-room accommodation to ourselves.
I discreetly left the couple to relax in the room, and I went to hang out by the pool, where I recited my Tehillim and did my work. Quite relaxing for a day of labor.
When I later heard the name of my son-in-law’s friend, I was shocked. Thirteen years ago, when we moved from our old neighborhood to our current home, our old house stood empty for some time until we sold it. At that time, a new family made aliyah to our neighborhood. But as happens sometimes, their home wasn’t ready for them to move into when they came. A mutual friend asked if that family could bring mattresses and stay at our house until theirs was ready. Of course, we happily agreed. My son-in-law’s friend was a member of the family that stayed in our house. We had once opened our home to them in a time of need, and now, almost thirteen years later, he opened his home to us when we needed it. I couldn’t believe it!
The apartment was perfect for us. When my daughter was in labor—according to all opinions—we set out for the short distance to the hospital. We were greeted by the staff, who had already gotten to know us from our previous visits, and this time, they admitted her. Baruch Hashem, several hours later, I watched my newest grandchild enter the world.
I feel extraordinarily blessed—not only to have shared such a beautiful experience, but also to be part of a people who truly look out for one another. What goes around truly does come around. In that hospital room, holding my grandchild, I realized that no good deed is ever lost. It may take years, even decades, but kindness always finds its way back—often at the very moment you need it most.
Suzie Steinberg, (nee Schapiro), CSW, is a native of Kew Gardens Hills and resident of Ramat Beit Shemesh who publishes articles regularly in various newspapers and magazines about life in general, and about life in Israel in particular. Her recently published children’s book titled Hashem is Always With Me can be purchased in local Judaica stores as well as online. Suzie can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and would love to hear from you.
