As a nation, we navigate joy and sorrow side by side, holding conflicting emotions with remarkable grace. Even in moments of profound joy – under the chupah, as a couple begins building their bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael – the chasan breaks a glass, a poignant reminder that our happiness is incomplete until Hashem’s house, the Beis HaMikdash, is rebuilt. Sitting around our elegantly set Seder table, dressed in our finest, we eat matzah, poor man’s bread, reminding us of our bitter days in Mitzrayim.
Over this year, I’ve heard too many bereaved mothers speak about their decision to continue to embrace life, all the while carrying their intense feelings of pain and loss. After a year of challenges, this week has been especially hard. We are again called to balance gratitude and grief, as the miraculous return of hostages stirs emotions of relief, joy, and profound heartache. For 15 months, we’ve been davening and yearning for the return of hostages trapped in Gaza’s tunnels under unimaginable conditions. And now their return has begun, in the form of a trickle. Who can remain dry-eyed seeing Emily Damari, Romi Gonen, and Doron Steinbrecher each walking on her two feet and into the arms of her mother? Who can remain unmoved hearing the helicopter pilot bringing them to Israel announce that he is bringing them home to their families? The return of the hostages is a miracle, but it is accompanied by profound challenges and painful compromises. These emotional moments should bring us unbridled joy. And yet, while we are grateful, relieved, and happy, a bittersweet feeling lingers in the air.
No one has been sleeping much around here of late, and many are walking around in a rotten mood. Until late last week, Israeli representatives had worked feverishly to negotiate a deal. Some families prepared anxiously for their loved ones’ return, enduring sleepless nights as the deal’s nail-biting uncertainty loomed. Even as the deal moved forward, agonizing questions remained: Who would be chosen, and in what condition would they return? Other families, such as those in the Forum Tikvah-Tzvika Mor camp, protested tirelessly, even sleeping outside the Prime Minister’s Office. They begged leaders to stop a deal that endangers Israel’s security by freeing hundreds of convicted terrorists while leaving hostages in Gaza and Hamas intact. They repeatedly suggest alternate ways to bring back the hostages without having to free terrorists and end the war. They are convinced we can achieve our goals from a place of strength rather than weakness.
Many lie awake at night, torn between relief for those returning home and the troubling cost of the unbalanced deal. Not only does the compromise threaten our security and leave hostages behind, but it also threatens to undermine the sacrifices of so many. If the IDF returns to fight, their job will be that much harder due to the concessions we’ve made. The temporary ceasefire gives Hamas time to regroup, and the world will scream about the safety of the Palestinian civilians who have returned to their homes. Bereaved families are forced to accept that their loved ones’ murderers will be set free. Past deals have shown us that many freed terrorists return to terror. How do we get ourselves out of this dangerous loop?
There are no easy solutions. Everything comes with a cost. We contain our happiness along with our fear. But it is far from easy. One thing is clear, though: We can rely on Hashem, and only Hashem, knowing that ultimate salvation comes from Him alone. We daven for our leaders to make wise decisions – for today and the future. Above all, we turn to Hashem, drawing strength from our emunah and one another, as we continue to believe in brighter days ahead.
Please continue to daven for the recovery of the wounded, the release of the remaining hostages, and the success and safe return of all chayalim and security personnel.
Suzie Steinberg, (nee Schapiro), CSW, is a native of Kew Gardens Hills and resident of Ramat Beit Shemesh who publishes articles regularly in various newspapers and magazines about life in general, and about life in Israel in particular. Her recently published children’s book titled Hashem is Always With Me can be purchased in local Judaica stores as well as online. Suzie can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and would love to hear from you.
