We may have come to believe that our loved ones should be the center of our lives. We long to mean everything to them, do we not? But can you truly meet all of her needs all of the time? Do you feel like you complete him or that you even should?
Honestly, your friends cannot truly match you across all areas of your life. Your friend or mate might feel that you do not truly care if you simply make an independent move in your life. It may even appear as evidence of betrayal if she does not wish to spend time with your other friends.
A more realistic approach would suggest that we can try to meet his needs but, at the same time, have wants and desires of our own. Suppose you want to take a long walk on your own. Would that threaten your relationship? Walking is the only exercise I do consistently – walking away from responsibilities. Is walking to the fridge your cardio? Uh-oh. It’s been said: The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
Surely, you should try to accommodate your loved one’s realistic requests. Being somewhat independent is not a slap or strike to your best friend or mate.
Try not to interpret differences as disloyalty, sweet friends. Always stay calm and rational, focusing on your own growth. If he repeatedly fails to show character or breaks your trust, focus on taking care of yourself, please. Allow yourself to move forward in whatever way is best for you. I know: You’re a work in progress, but you forgot where you put the instructions.
In order to truly enjoy a harmonious union with someone, you may need sources of fulfillment outside of them, as well. Do not lean on her for all of your support. He can’t compensate you for all that is painful in your life. You may wish to view your best friend or mate as your long-lost other half. However, they simply cannot single-handedly save you.
Do not befriend those who fail to value you. It’s all right to distance yourself from others. Maintain a respectful and empathetic posture in your interactions with him. Do not compare yourself unfavorably to her; and please do not lose sight of your own achievements or accomplishments. Do you celebrate your own growth or progress?
Stay true to your own path. Are your goals aligned with your essence and who you truly are? Take care of your emotional well-being. Do not give in to obsessive anger or emotions. Reflect on your feelings and redirect them to something that strengthens you. Don’t worry, be happy? You know you can’t buy happiness. But you can buy pizza. They are kind of the same thing. Ever feel like you had too much pizza? Me neither.
But truly, how do you relieve emotional pressure? Do you spend a great deal of time venting negativity? We can fall into a cycle of dissatisfaction and discontent. Seek to be constructive instead of just killing time. Don’t worry about the score. Try to enjoy the game.
You have your share of challenges, but triumphs as well. Take charge of your life and focus on the beauty of your own unique story. It’s been said: “Life is like your DIY hairstyle. Sometimes you have to hold it together with one bobby pin.”
Turn your stress into strength. Freedom comes from breaking free of the incessant need for approval from others. This can be entirely suffocating and stifling. The only opinion that matters is that of your higher inner voice and of those whom you respect.
The next decision you make should not be simply what he expects of you, but what makes you feel most fulfilled and content spiritually and emotionally. Do you trust your own intuition? Are you the true protagonist of your own life? Your relationships can be seen as mirrors, reflecting various aspects of your life. They may even shape who you have become.
Cultivate the habit of personal reflection. Do whatever you do with grace and dignity, my friends. If your expectations are unrealistic, let them go. Where are you right now in your journey of life? Then again, they say: Life is like the smiley face emoji. You never know what it really means.
By all means, celebrate small daily victories. Open space for joy and beauty. Surround yourself with people who value positivity. You know what they say: “You only live once; but if you do it right, once is enough.”
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
