Do you even know what is truly hurting you? If not, then how can you ever put it right? If you lack insight into your own uneasiness and unhappiness, it can torment your inner life. It can manifest as fear, anger, worry, or even regret.
Have you ever felt intense disappointment powerfully rumbling inside of you? Is it possible to see past your anxiety to perhaps discover what the problem really is? When you attempt to locate that elusive feeling, you can end up with the wrong diagnosis of what is truly upsetting you. You may not correctly attribute the source of your pain.
You might even end up lashing out at loved ones because you do not know what is really distressing or frightening to you. Your family or friends can become easy targets for your frustration or bitterness.
And you know what they say about friends: “Good friends will mourn your death. Best friends will come and clean your computer history after you die.” Oh, and “My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100, but only one writes.”
Perhaps you ignore your discomfort in an attempt to numb it. You look for some kind of anesthetic to lessen your hurt or hardship. Sadly, we seldom fail to address the causes.
Where did all your money go? “I’m wearing it.” Is your mantra, “I shop, therefore I am?” Does a parcel a day keep the sadness away?
What’s that? You only ate the entire bag of chips in one sitting so you won’t be tempted to eat the chips later? I wanted to lose ten lbs. this year; only 13 to go. Do you overwork, shop, drink, eat too much, or simply scroll your day away on the IG? The hurt is still there, sweet friends, but you may now notice it less. Those numbing tactics not only eat away at your precious time, but they undermine your self-worth and can lead to more symptoms.
Pay proper attention to your feelings, please. Do you have an accurate handle on your inner life? Be a better friend to yourself. If you treat your loved ones with empathy and kindness, can you accept yourself, as well? Are you aware of what you are actually getting right?
When you fail, be generous to yourself, as we all acquire some bad habits of mind. Everyone will fail at one time or another. You may simply not know about it. The truth is that no one gets through existence unscathed. Yet you can still live joyously even amidst catastrophe. Ruminating on despair about the unjustified pain in the world will lead to nothing but depression, my friends.
Despite our loneliness, distress, and discomfort, we still seek joy and even wonder in the universe. We can accept our fate with grace and, at times, humor. Many things you deeply want may never come to pass or be unsatisfying when they do. Such is life. Instead of feeling constantly disappointed, surprise yourself with a dose of light-heartedness and acquiescence.
Habits can drastically alter your mood and even your life. Do you know which happy habits to practice? Practicing being grateful will have a strong impact on how hopeful you are. When you perform an act of kindness, you may feel an increase in your overall satisfaction in life.
Stay in the present moment as much as possible. Sure, it’s not easy to go with the flow, but know what gets you there. Is it being with your best friend? Why doesn’t Dracula have friends? Because he’s a pain in the neck. Okay, I know. Do you enjoy music or playing your favorite sport? A young child said to his mother, “Mom, when I grow up, I’d like to be a musician.” She replied, “Well, honey, you know you can’t do both.” But truly, when you appreciate little things, acknowledge them out loud.
Are you dog-tired much of the time? Did you know that sleep deprivation can actually kill your brain cells, in addition to impairing your memory and reaction time? What’s your excuse for not prioritizing your sleep? How to sleep more quickly: Decorate your room to look like a classroom.
What are your small goals for this week? Have you carved out some time to spend in nature? You can lower your blood pressure by simply taking a walk in a natural environment. Your doctor’s concerned about your high blood pressure? Tell him next time not to leave you in the waiting room for two hours.
Stop looking for flaws in everything and everyone, please. Sure, there’s plenty of negativity in this world, but know this: Your brain will see what you want to see. Free yourself from your negative bias and let yourself be happy despite it all.
You can overcome obstacles by imagining that you can leap those hurdles because you can. Prepare for as much as you can; but remember that you can learn as you go. Instill strength and confidence in yourself.
What is the empty void in your life that you are trying to fill? Don’t place the burden of your self-worth on your loved ones and friends. Build a connection with yourself, as well. Others will feel happy around you if you radiate happiness. Above all, be the friend you want to be with.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.
