From time to time, I write articles about expressions that people find annoying. And some time ago, I wrote an article that commented on how many of those expressions had something to do with the concept of time. I clearly wrote that one as publicity for my newest book, Jewish Time, which was supposed to come out around then, but then somehow came out late. I don’t know.

But recently, an alert reader wrote in and asked, “How about the sheer number of expressions there are involving parts of the body?” And she gave me a list of 76 expressions. “It’s truly mind-boggling,” she said.

Mind-boggling was one of them.

Of course, the reason there are so many is obvious. When you’re trying to come up with an expression that’s going to be relatable to everyone and stand the test of time, your options are pretty limited. Not everyone can relate to every expression. And the point of these expressions is for everyone to understand your point and also get how clever you are; not that you then have to explain it every time.

But that said, there are definitely some body expressions that still don’t quite make sense, at least the way I see them.

For example, there’s the expression “I have two left feet,” which means, “I can’t dance.” Because we all know that coordination and rhythm are found in the right foot. Most people who dance, their right foot gets all the moves, and the left foot just flops along cluelessly behind.

“I have two left feet.”

That’s crazy! So what shoe do you put on first in the morning?

I’m also not into the expression, “back-breaking work.” All work can be back-breaking. I have a herniated disc from years of sitting at a desk and writing humor columns. It is literally back-breaking work, but I don’t think that’s what the Mitzriyim made us do.

“Where is this week’s humor column? Why is it late?”

“My wife had six babies! No one’s sleeping!”

I also don’t like that if someone narrowly escapes something, we say he did it by the skin of his teeth. Who runs away from something teeth last? Is he backing away in a hurry?

Also, if your teeth have a skin, you need to brush better.

And once we’re talking about teeth, what about when they say that people are armed to the teeth? Why teeth? I think it’s about when you’re carrying so many items in your hands to go to war, and then someone hands you just one more item, and you have to carry it in your teeth because your armor doesn’t have pockets. Anyway, hearing that an opposing army is armed to the teeth is supposed to be daunting, but really they now have to learn to wield a sword with their teeth.

So that might make sense historically, as might the expression, “I have cold feet.” Why is that an expression?

“What happened to the chosson?”

“Cold feet.”

“Makes sense. It’s an outdoor chuppah.”

Like if your feet are cold, you’re afraid of stepping on the glass.

Apparently, though, the expression might come from World War I, when if a soldier had frost-bitten toes, he was nervous about entering a battle, in case he had to run.

And then there are some expressions that can only make sense if they come from Yiddishkeit. The rule of thumb, for example. That probably originated with people learning Gemara.

“Why are you waving your thumb around as you’re explaining the rule?”

“So you can follow my logic better!”

Also, the expression, “to wash your hands of something” definitely came from mayim acharonim.

And while we’re at it, the term, “stiff necked” almost definitely came from Yidden. We are a stiff-necked people. We’re also largely an asthmatic people. And most of us wear glasses. (We are not an athletic people.)

And no one can figure out what the story is with backs. For example, the expression, “to give someone a pat on the back” means you’re praising them. Why does that mean praise? I’m guessing that the expression probably came from something people actually do. Or did people start doing it because of the expression?

But why do we do it? So people should know who in the room we’re complimenting specifically without pointing at them, because pointing is rude, even though slapping them is apparently not?

Also, I’m not sure the expression came from something people actually do, because then what about the expression, “Give yourself a pat on the back?” Who can do that? And is that so I should know whom I’m congratulating, in case I’m not sure?

But the point is that patting people on the back is definitely a good thing, right? But meanwhile, if you’re on someone’s back, you’re criticizing them. As long as you don’t accidentally pat them when you’re back there, because then they’ll think you’re congratulating them. Whereas if you have someone’s back, you’re there to support them. Similarly if you and they are back-to-back, it means you’re working together. But then if they do something behind your back, which they are actually doing if you’re back-to-back, they’re being underhanded with you. Or maybe not. Isn’t “behind someone’s back” a double negative? People stab each other in the back, they don’t stab each other behind the back.

And it’s not just backs. Seeing eye to eye with someone is supposed to be good, even though it sounds bad. Also, if you’re eye to eye with someone, aren’t you also at each other’s throats? And how is that different from being neck and neck with someone?

It’s like the people who make up these expressions didn’t even talk to each other.

Also, sometimes when you’re mad at someone and you want to talk to them about it, you say, “I have a bone to pick with you.” What does this even mean?

“Come, I have some blueberries to pick with you.”

And that’s not the only internal organ you can pick. You can also ask to pick someone’s brain, and that’s a compliment, even though it just sounds like you’re doing surgery. How come when you pick someone’s brain, you’re asking for advice, but when you pick their bones, you’re not asking for physical assistance? For that, you have to ask people to give you a hand. Which is an expression I don’t like either, because it has more than one meaning. Sometimes you’re carrying something very heavy, and you ask the person next to you, “Could you give me a hand?” and they start clapping.

Very funny.

And they know you don’t have a free hand to hit them.

And then there’s the expression, “He looks down his nose at me.” Everyone looks down their nose. You can’t look up your nose at someone. Are you inside his nose? I guess the alternative is for him to look at you without involving his nose at all. This saying actually has something to do with the expression about people turning up their noses at things. What it actually means is that snooty rich people are always looking upward, because unlike the rest of us, they do not really care about the prospect of possibly finding money on the floor.

But the question is, how come to turn your nose up at something is bad, but to keep your chin up is good? How do you pick up your chin but not your nose? Should your chin be higher than your nose?

And what about elbow room? To me, “elbow room” always sounded like a separate room in the house that rich people have.

“And this is our elbow room. If you want to put your elbows on the table, this is where you go. We also have a nice selection of macaroni.”

Is an “elbow room” a room that you go into to rub elbows?

Also, why is it called “rubbing elbows”? Why is that mental picture considered good networking? Are people rubbing each other’s elbows with their elbows, or are they just using their fingertips? I don’t know. In our circles, our elbows are usually covered. And I’m not sorry. Between this and all the talk of elbow grease. I’m not even sure what elbow grease is. Maybe you need it to rub elbows.

Sometimes people don’t really mean to be disgusting. Like they’ll say, “He always has his nose in a book.”

He should really invest in bookmarks. Really, he can just use a tissue.

Or they’ll say, “He has a good head on his shoulders.” I take this to be a nice way of saying that the guy has no neck. Like it’s something a shadchan would say. Otherwise, where else would the head be?

Or they can say, “He has his head in the clouds,” which just sounds like he’s tall. It sounds like something you’d put on a shidduch resume if being tall was a bad thing.

But then, there are a lot of expressions that shadchanim might use to hide things. For example, “He’s always been very close to his rebbeim” means he spent a lot of time in the principal’s office, and “He looks up to everyone,” means he’s constantly lying down on the ground. And “He thinks for himself” means he never has any idea what anyone else is talking about.

Are there any expressions that make your blood boil? Feel free to write in with them. We’re also looking for things shadchanim say that intentionally have a second meaning, but that might be for personal reasons.

Special thanks to Ricki Karnowsky.


Mordechai Schmutter is a weekly humor columnist for Hamodia, a monthly humor columnist, and has written six books, all published by Israel Book Shop.  He also does freelance writing for hire.  You can send any questions, comments, or ideas to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.