Everyone gets anxious. Before a test. Before a big event. Before giving a speech. Anxiety is a normal part of being human. But when does anxiety go from typical to clinical? When does it turn from some butterflies into an anxiety disorder?
Anxiety is one of the most common mental health conditions, with about 1 in 5 adults and 1 in 10 children and adolescents struggling with clinical anxiety each year. And while everyone on the internet seems to have an opinion on anxiety, misinformation can make it difficult to recognize when it has crossed the line from everyday anxiety to clinical anxiety. Let’s get to know anxiety a bit better so we can better support ourselves and those around us.
Myth #1: We all get anxious. What’s the big deal?
Reality: Everyday anxiety and an anxiety disorder are two very different things.
One of the reasons anxiety can be difficult to recognize is that everyone experiences it from time to time. In fact, anxiety serves an important purpose. It is our brain and body’s natural response to perceived danger and helps keep us safe. It’s what stops us from walking into oncoming traffic and what gives us the burst of energy needed to escape a dangerous situation.
Think of anxiety as your body’s built-in fire alarm. When it senses danger, it activates your “fight-or-flight” response, preparing you to protect yourself. Your heart may race, your muscles tense, your palms sweat, your stomach churn, or your mind becomes hyper-alert. These reactions aren’t a sign that something is wrong; they are your body’s way of preparing to keep you safe. Your body and brain are literally ramping up to either fight the threat or run from it.
With a clinical anxiety disorder, that alarm system goes into overdrive. The fire alarm starts going off every time you use the toaster. The brain perceives danger where there is no actual threat, and the body repeatedly enters fight-or-flight mode unnecessarily. Over time, living in this constant state of alert can affect nearly every aspect of daily life, contributing to poor sleep, changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, irritability, physical tension, and a persistent feeling of being overwhelmed.
Proper therapy and medication, when appropriate, can help calm that overactive alarm system, allowing the mind and body to spend more time in their natural “rest and digest” state, where they can recover, recharge, and function at their best.
Myth #2: Have you tried... just not being anxious?
Reality: Anxiety doesn’t have an off switch.
Telling someone with an anxiety disorder to “just relax” is like telling someone with asthma to “just breathe normally” or telling someone with the flu to “just feel better.” It’s not something that can be turned on and off by willpower alone. While relaxation techniques can absolutely help, clinical anxiety isn’t a choice, and managing it usually requires learning skills that retrain the brain’s response to perceived threats. Think of it like learning any new skill. You wouldn’t expect to know how to play piano after one lesson, and you can’t expect your brain to unlearn anxiety overnight either. With practice and the right tools, your brain gradually learns that it doesn’t need to sound the alarm quite so often.
Myth #3: If it makes you anxious, just avoid it.
Reality: Avoidance feeds anxiety.
Picture this: A young boy who is terrified of dogs sees one coming down the block. His heart starts racing, his stomach drops, and he quickly crosses the street to avoid it. Almost immediately, his anxiety subsides. His brain mistakenly concludes that crossing the street is what kept him safe. The next time he sees a dog, his brain is even quicker to sound the alarm, convincing him that he needs to escape again. Over time, the fear grows stronger as he continues to reinforce the belief that avoiding dogs will keep him safe. This is why avoidance is so tricky. It provides immediate relief, which teaches the brain that the feared situation really was dangerous, making anxiety even stronger the next time.
One of the most effective evidence-based treatments is gradual exposure. Rather than avoiding the fear, the person slowly and safely faces it in small, manageable steps. In this example, the boy might start by looking at pictures of dogs. Once that no longer causes significant anxiety, he might watch a dog from a distance, then stand nearby, and eventually pet a calm, friendly dog. With each successful experience, he is teaching his brain that he can be around a dog and still be safe. With the right treatment and practice, the brain’s alarm system becomes less sensitive, allowing anxiety to become manageable instead of taking over daily life.
Myth #4: If your emunah were strong enough, you wouldn’t be anxious.
Reality: Strong emunah doesn’t make someone immune to anxiety.
This is one I hear often. If you have enough emunah, you can’t possibly be anxious. If you really believed with full conviction that Hashem runs the world, you would have nothing to worry about. If that were the case, we would need some help explaining why many rabbanim with impeccable emunah still suffer from anxiety.
The reality is that anxiety is much more complex than simply replacing anxious thoughts with more reassuring ones. We would never think to say to someone with asthma that they just need to work on their emunah, yet when it comes to anxiety, we so often mistake it for a spiritual problem rather than a health condition. Strengthening your emunah can absolutely bring comfort and resilience, but it isn’t meant to replace therapy or medication when the brain’s alarm system isn’t working the way it should. Understanding the difference replaces judgment with compassion and encourages people to seek the support they deserve.
The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable, and with the right treatment and support, an overactive alarm system can be recalibrated, allowing you to spend less time surviving and more time living.
Levana Feldstein, PMHNP-BC, is a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and founder of Moonlight Wellness, a private psychiatric practice serving children, adolescents, and adults in New York and New Jersey. With over a decade of experience in mental health, she is passionate about educating the community, reducing stigma, and providing compassionate, individualized care. She can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
