Dating Today

I published this letter a few years ago. It broke my heart and I’m sure the hearts of readers, as well. I never forgot about this woman because of what had happened to her, the cruelty and premeditation of it. But I am elated to say that I received an email from her right after Purim this year with an update.

Dear Goldy:

I went out a few times with a girl. The next thing I know, the shadchan calls and told me that the girl doesn’t want to see me again. The reason: She thought I was too argumentative and that I disagreed “with everything she was saying.”

I have been asked a few times why I am so “hard” and “write mean things” about shadchanim. Once I hear that question, I keep the eyerolling to myself and tell the person that if that’s what she thought I was doing, then she missed the point of my column entirely. Let me share some of my experiences with some shadchanim when I was single. It’s only to those people that I’m critical of and you’ll understand why.

Dear Goldy:

I know you can relate to my issue. I’ve been in the parshah for decades and, baruch Hashem, I’ve gone out with plenty of men/boys. I’ve had a dry spell or two, but for the most part I’ve been dating. As you can imagine, if I’ve gone out for decades, then I may have dated hundreds of guys. You’re right. I didn’t keep a journal or will write book like you did. It was more for me. I’d write the guy’s name, a line or two about him, and the date, and that was it. It was really for the purpose of if I was ever redt to the same person and I couldn’t remember him or details... It’s not like I’m the only one doing this. Friends do it and I’m sure plenty of singles, male and female, do it.

I’ve had this article in reserve for a while. I wrote it and decided not to publish it. This weekly column is about dating. I didn’t want to branch out and start writing about other things, even though marriage is the next step after dating/getting engaged. I’m not like celebrities who use their platform to push another agenda. I may like them because of the characters they play in a television series or movie, but then they start preaching about air pollution or politics. I like them because of what they do: They act. I don’t want to hear what they have to say about our carbon footprint or anything of the sort. Stay in your lane: acting. I want to stick with dating and engagement. But a friend of mine advised me to write an article about being a good wife (but spouse seems more appropriate because I try to help both men and women). I began searching my files for this article and with a few minor edits, here it is:

Dear Goldy:

 Almost a year ago, after 23 years of marriage, my husband left me. He said it was one of those “wait for the kids to get older so they can handle it better” type of situations. Really? Because I was in the dark about that. I didn’t know he was waiting to divorce me. I didn’t know he was putting on a happy face and making sure to say all the right things at the right times. When I told him that he said he thought it was an unspoken agreement between us, he was shocked that I was shocked. He said he thought I knew that we weren’t getting along anymore, had different interests, grew apart. I forgot all he said – but whatever it was, “we” hadn’t done any of it. He did.