(For p’sak halachah, please ask your own rav.)
Neighbor vs. Relative
Question: Are there ever any instances where a neighbor of a person takes precedence over a relative of that person?
Short Answer: Yes. Based on a pasuk in Mishlei, for certain monetary halachos, a neighbor of a person has special significance.
Explanation
I. Pasuk in Mishlei
The pasuk in Mishlei (27:10) states, “Tov shachein karov mei’ach rachok,” that a close neighbor is better than a distant brother. Rashi comments that the pasuk teaches that a person should be close to Hashem (“the One who is close to those who call Him”) rather than associating with Eisav.
Sh’mos Rabbah (27:1) understands that the “close neighbor” refers to Yisro, who, as opposed to Eisav, is consistently praised by the p’sukim. The Keini, descendants of Yisro, dwelled near the B’nei Yisrael.
Does this pasuk have any halachic significance?
II. Bordering Fields
The Gemara (Bava M’tzia 108b) discusses the laws of bar mitzra, a neighbor’s right of first refusal. In other words, a person who sells his field must first offer to sell it to his neighbor, who adjoins the field being sold. The Gemara also discusses cases that are not actually bar mitzra, as the person with the right of first refusal is not the owner of an adjoining field. In such a case, according to Rashi, it is still proper to first offer the field to certain other people. The Gemara notes that city neighbors take precedence over field neighbors, talmidei chachamim take precedence over neighbors, and talmidei chachamim take precedence over relatives. The Gemara then asks about relatives versus neighbors and answers that neighbors take precedence over relatives based on the pasuk in Mishlei.
The Tur (Choshen Mishpat 175:50) cites this Gemara and Rashi’s explanation that the discussion is not about actual neighbors to the field, but general neighbors. The Tur adds that Rabbeinu Tam interprets the Gemara as referring to actual neighbors of the field being sold. The Beis Yosef (ibid.) notes that Rashi appears to explain “neighbor” as a person who dwells nearby. He adds that Rabbeinu Yerucham disagrees, as there are many neighbors who live near a person yet have nothing to do with him and share no close relationship. Rather, Rabbeinu Yerucham interprets “neighbor” as someone who regularly does business with the person selling the field. The pasuk in Mishlei refers to such a person.
The Shulchan Aruch (Choshen Mishpat 175:50) codifies this Gemara. The Rama notes that the definition of “neighbor” is disputed: either a friend who spends time with you or a simple neighbor who dwells nearby. The Shach (48) notes that he has not found any Rishon who holds that it refers to a simple neighbor. The Sma (92) also appears to adopt the interpretation that “neighbor” refers to a friend, and that merely living nearby is insufficient.
The Vilna Gaon (ibid.), without taking sides in the machlokes, provides the source for the opinion that “neighbor” refers simply to a person who dwells nearby. The Gemara contrasts field neighbors with city neighbors, implying that proximity, even without friendship, has some significance.
III. Marrying a Kenaanite
The Imrei Sheifer (Rav Shlomo Ganzfried, cited in Daf al Daf, Bava M’tzia 108b) notes that the above Gemara explains certain puzzling words of Avraham Avinu. Avraham told Eliezer not to take a wife for Yitzchak from Kenaan, but added (Chayei Sarah – B’reishis 24:3), “who dwell among us.” These extra words teach that even though it generally makes more sense to marry a “close” neighbor over a family member, based on the Gemara, Avraham specifically instructed Eliezer to choose his family because the Kenaanites were cursed.
IV. Property to “Toviah”
A similar discussion regarding the significance of neighbors is codified in the Tur (Choshen Mishpat 253:29), based on K’subos (88b). A person on his deathbed states that he wants certain property to go to “Toviah.” When two individuals named Toviah claim the property, the Toviah who is a neighbor has a stronger claim than the Toviah who is merely a relative. The Tur, citing the Rosh, clarifies that the “neighbor” refers to a friend who frequently interacts with the person on his deathbed. Simply living nearby is insufficient, similar to the ruling of Rabbeinu Yerucham above.
The Rama (ibid.) codifies this definition of the Rosh. The Sma (66) goes even further, explaining that the friend, described as a neighbor according to the Rosh, need not live near the person giving the property in order to be considered a “neighbor.”
V. The Limitation
The Chashukei Chemed (Gittin 40a) qualifies the Rama’s ruling. Should a baal bris give the honor of kvatter to a relative or to a friend to whom he has hakaras ha’tov? The Chashukei Chemed suggests that perhaps it should be given to the friend, based on the pasuk in Mishlei as codified by the Rama, especially where the individual is a close friend.
However, he ultimately rejects this idea and rules that a relative takes precedence based on the laws of tz’dakah (Rama, Yoreh Dei’ah 251:3), where a relative certainly has priority. The Chashukei Chemed explains that there is a difference between interpreting an already-gifted present, where a friend may take precedence, and a gift yet to be given, where a relative takes precedence.
VI. Other Applications
There are several interesting applications in which neighbors are given precedence based on this pasuk.
First, the Sh’vus Yaakov (cited in Piskei T’shuvah, Choshen Mishpat 7:14) notes that a neighbor judge may not adjudicate matters involving another neighbor when they are friends, as there is no difference between a neighbor-friend and a regular friend, for whom it is forbidden to judge. He concludes that even if the neighbor is not a friend, it is preferable not to judge him.
Second, Rav Boruch Dadon shlita (cited in Gam Ani Odecha 1:107), cites the Maharam Schick (Yoreh Dei’ah 355), who holds that a person may be exhumed and reburied by his neighbor, as this halachah is not limited to reburial near relatives. Neighbors may take precedence over relatives, as indicated by the pasuk in Mishlei.
Third, Maadanei M’lachim (siman 15) holds that a neighbor kohen takes precedence over others with respect to receiving matnos k’hunah. He suggests that the reason is that giving gifts to neighbors is significant, as neighbors often overlook daily annoyances.
VII. Final Thoughts
The Haameik Davar (Bo 12:4) discusses the pasuk regarding korban Pesach, which instructs combining with “sh’cheino ha’karov el beiso.” The Netziv cites the pasuk in Mishlei and explains that a person should not pass over his neighbor to combine with a friend, highlighting the importance of maintaining good relationships with neighbors.
The Darash Moshe (Bo 12:4) also addresses this pasuk. He explains that the double language of “your neighbor” who “lives close to you” teaches that a person should ideally surround himself with good people. Proximity matters, as the closest neighbor often has the greatest influence on a person.
Halachic Highlights…Talmud Torah #13
(For p’sak halachah, please ask your own rav.)