I published quotable quotes from emails about four years ago. I think it’s time for part deux.
I receive a dozen or more letters a week but only publish one. It’s usually the one that most people would be able to relate to. But that doesn’t mean I don’t read and respond to the other letters. I do. There are some things that I have read in emails and have heard when people stop me in the street or after a speaking engagement that shock me—things people say to others who are dating, trying to find their life mate. It’s almost as if people think they have free rein to say whatever they want to a single—which makes it worse because a single doesn’t have the one close person—a spouse—that they can lean on when their feelings get hurt. They have no one to defend them either. I won’t call it getting bullied, but sometimes people need to use a filter or, better yet, keep their mouths shut. The following are some of the most shocking quotes I have read and have been told by singles.
“The matchmaker told me that if I ever wanted to get married, I need to lose at least 15 pounds and dye my hair. She said I was not attractive at all.” Excerpt from an email written by a twenty-five-year-old woman.
“He was wearing cargo pants, a flannel shirt, and work boots! It was the middle of July. We were playing mini golf. I was sweating in my sundress. Then he suggested an outdoor café. I felt like I was in hell, literally. I asked him if we could sit indoors. He said the hot weather didn’t bother him. How? He was dressed for a construction site, not a date, plus he wasn’t sweating. Didn’t he understand others have sweat glands? I think I really did go to hell on this date.” This is an excerpt from an email sent by a young woman who apparently had a very hot and steamy date.
“Why aren’t you married?” appears several times in emails sent to me by both males and females.
“This is the third girl I’ve tried setting you up with that you’ve said no to. Do you really want to get married? Do you even know what you want? This isn’t a buffet, especially at your age. Take what you can get.” Excerpt from an email written by an older male who was complaining about a specific matchmaker. I don’t know if I sided with the matchmaker or the man. He doesn’t have to readily agree to date anyone she tries to set him up with, but let’s not age-shame him.
“I dated three of your good friends, so it’s like I already know you.” Weird. This was said to my cousin on a first date.
“Your life is stuck in a rut.” A matchmaker said this to a friend of mine.
“If you don’t have any medical issues, I can’t understand why you aren’t married yet. So, there must be something medically wrong with you.” A fellow said this to my friend on their first (and only) date.
“What shtetl did your grandmother come from?” asked of me by a matchmaker who said it was important that the fellow know this information before he agreed to date me.
“Dermatologists make more money. Why would you want to be a pediatrician with kids throwing up and crying all the time when you can just inject Botox and go home to your mansion in your sports car?” Written in an email I received from a pediatrician. She wrote that this was what the last man she dated asked her at the beginning of the evening.
“I can tell from the answers you’ve given that I can’t help you. Maybe I can help your friends, but not you.” This is what was told to a single who spoke with me after a speaking engagement.
“You like Kate Beckinsale? Is it because you think you look like her? Well, you don’t. She’s hot, and you’re not.” Oh wait, this was said to me on a date when we were discussing which celebrity I like, not which one I think I look like.
“You got the better seat. Now I’m gonna have to stare at your face the whole night.” Again, said to me when my date sat down at our table in the restaurant, and I chose the chair against the wall so I was able to have the view of the restaurant. May I mention that this was said by the fellow who made the above comment as well (that was truly the best worst date I ever had).
“Absolutely not. Don’t ask me again about her. She won’t date you. I don’t even need to ask her. First, work on yourself, and then maybe—just maybe—if I’m in the mood, I’ll ask her for you.” Excerpt from an email from a young gentleman who really wanted to go out with one specific woman. He found a common friend, and this is what he was told after he asked the friend to be the matchmaker.
“He was so impressed that I knew words with more than four or five letters in them. He asked me how I became so learned. I told him I watched a lot of Law and Order. What a self-righteous moron—as if only he knows how to use the dictionary!” Excerpt from an email from a very annoyed young woman.
“You want to date people way above what you have a right to ask for or date.” This was told to me by someone who met me in the grocery store about a recent meeting she had with a matchmaker when she was describing what type of fellow she was looking for.
“Were you or your sister adopted? You both look nothing alike. I’m just trying to figure out which way the family genes may follow. It would make sense if one of you were adopted.” Excerpt from an email a young woman sent to me regarding a shocking question she was asked while on a date.
“I can’t believe you’re related to him! He’s great! We went to camp together. He’s great at everything. Guess he got his talents from the other side of his family.” A young woman told me this after meeting me at a speaking engagement regarding a date she had a couple of weeks earlier.
“I’m a garbage man, plain and simple. I don’t say that I work at the Department of Sanitation. I work in the truck. I did it to put myself through college and now grad school. The pay is pretty good, and the health benefits are great. Once a girl hears that I’m a garbage man, forget it. I see the disgust on their faces. Joke’s on them. I’m not going to be a garbage man forever, but I’ll have a small pension for all the years I’ve put in, plus I’ll have a good job.” This is an excerpt from an email from a gentleman fed up with the reaction he receives once dates find out how he puts himself through graduate school. I once dated someone who was a “garbage man” working his way through graduate school. This wasn’t from him, but I guess more than a few people go this route to help pay for school.
You can decide on your own if you want to laugh or grimace at these quotes. The choice is yours. Looking back at the truly horrible date that I quoted from twice, I laugh at it now. In fact, I laughed on the date because it was truly unbelievable. Think I’m lying? I took a few pictures of it because I knew that no one was going to believe me. I have documented proof!
Anyway, I will wrap up by saying that it is better to laugh than to cry. Yes, you will get laugh lines, but that only means you have enjoyed life. At times when you feel like crying about your single situation, think of this article and know that you are not alone. We are in it together!
Hatzlachah to you all!
Goldy Krantz is an LMSW and a lifelong Queens resident, guest lecturer, and author of the shidduch dating book “The Best of My Worst” and children’s book “Where Has Zaidy Gone?” She can be contacted at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Goldy is an experienced dating coach offering private sessions. To inquire, contact her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..