As I always say/write: I provide my opinion to those who ask it. Take it or leave it. Not everyone has to agree with me, and believe me, many don’t. This is the time of year where I choose a letter from a non-fan, or should I say, a fan with criticism. Never let it be said that I only publish cute, sweet letters that have happy endings.

*****

Dear Goldy:

My wife and daughters love reading your column. I sit through their conversations discussing other people’s lives, issues, and what you think they should do. Truthfully, I couldn’t care less. I mind my own business. But Shabbos after Shabbos, where your name is brought up at each seudah, you may as well be a guest in my house! I don’t read your column and usually have to connect the dots from listening to the conversation. When I find a topic interesting – that’s when there is a heated debate about the issue – I end up reading your article – just to see what all the hullabaloo is about.

Before I write anything specific, I fully understand the purpose of your articles. You dated for a long time; you’re a therapist and you feel like you can help people with their issues – with only the small amount of information they provide you. You only know one side of every story. You sit back and decide what should be done – when what was written may be totally biased to one of the parties involved. Ever think of that? Maybe writers wrote so that the story ends up with them as the victims or the ones wronged and they “have no idea why this happened” to them.

There are a few questions I have about some of your articles.

Platinum Weddings: Akiva isn’t from a rich family and he’s worried that he and his parents won’t be able to pay for the extravagant wedding that his kallah wants. If you really are a “tell it like it is” columnist, you should have been able to answer him in one paragraph: The kallah should be mature enough to understand that if she isn’t marrying a Rockafella, then her wedding can’t have it all. No reason Akiva should feel bad that he can’t provide her with unrealistic expectations! She knew who and what he was when they dated. She should be more grounded, less spoiled. You went on and on when you should have said: Either she realizes what the situation is or not; and if she doesn’t, he will have huge issues with her in the years to come.

What’s My Line: The girl was upset that the guy she was dating repeats her one-liners. Is she George Burns or Red Buttons? Did she work on her schtick for hours? No. We’ve all taken what someone else has said and used it for our own purposes. And the fact that she wants credit for what he repeats? Is she a screen writer? C’mon, get outta here! Imitation or in this case, repetition, is the best sort of compliment. She should be happy he thinks she’s witty enough to try to adopt her one-liners. Stop being a child, “He’s copying me! Make him stop.”

I’m in Shock: The young lady was near devastated that the guy she liked and dated, but broke up with her later, got engaged to her cousin. Now she would have to interact with him her entire life? As a father of daughters, I know it can be very hard after a breakup that was not of your choosing, but life moves on. She will meet her bashert. It wasn’t this guy who will now be her cousin’s husband. Yes, it hurts, but to be in shock and devastated? We’re mature adults. If not, don’t date, if you can’t handle when things don’t go your way.

Now What?: You’re worried about our younger generation because they spend too much time on their electronics. You are scared that, on a date, if they get bored, they won’t be interested enough to try to get to know who they are out with because they are used to skipping over the boring parts. It’s up to parents to limit electronic use. Set up guidelines, and if the children are raised with seichel, they would know that you don’t treat someone as you would an app. Give kids credit. Do you think so little of the younger generation that they will just get up and leave or say, “I’m done with you,” if the person they are with doesn’t entertain them on the date? Social interaction is very different from socializing on social media. Limit the screen time and model good behavior; then you wouldn’t be so worried.

This is just some of what I have to say. You’re longwinded when you could spit out your answer in a sentence. You like to hear yourself “pontificate,” as a someone used to always say. Get to the point. Use just facts. Yeah, it’s your opinion. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has questions and issues.

 Naftoli Bronstein

*****

Thank you for your opinion, Naftoli. You seem to have a very black and white view on life and the world. I see things in different hues of grays, blues, and reds. I won’t try to defend myself or my articles, but let me write this and it could be applied to each article I publish and respond to: I do my best to build a person up, while providing a response to their email. Words can hurt. We have to be careful with what we say and how we say it. I try to normalize the situation, look at it from both sides, from the information provided – and I am known to write that I don’t know the full story or there were too few details provided. I then provide the opinion that I would give a friend or follow myself. True, I like to hear myself talk, but I am often known to write and to say that I don’t know it all and I do not want to preach from a milk box. And as a columnist, I wouldn’t be doing my job if my response was two sentences. I have to fill a space. You want a two-line answer? Text me. (Don’t.)

Hatzlachah to you all.

Goldy Krantz  is an LMSW and a lifelong Queens resident, guest lecturer, and author of the shidduch dating book, The Best of My Worst and children’s book Where Has Zaidy Gone?
She can be contacted at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..