Do you feel permanently susceptible to bouts of depression, anxiety, or anger? How do you manage your fragility and vulnerability? Start by acknowledging your feelings, sweet friends. Please remain patient and unafraid in the face of strong feelings. You may never be fully impervious to negative emotions, but you can learn healthy patterns of thinking. I know: You’re trying to think how you can think of what you want to think. I’m confused. No, wait…maybe I’m not.
You cannot simply allow your thoughts to wander into any part of your mind. Of course, there are thoughts that you ought to nourish and nurse. Regularly remind yourself of your inherent worth and belief in yourself.
Other ruminations may not be welcome: Are you comparing yourself to her, or feeling inadequate in comparison to him and his wealth? They say: We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. But truly, those perceptions are like instruments of torture, my friends.
Find people who support you. This is no luxury. It is literally a resource to keep you mentally healthy and can provide you with the will to keep going, despite hardship and heartache. Find friends who soothe you and take the sting out of life. But remember that anything done before the first coffee of the day could be classified as self-defense.
Do not wear the opinions of others. Learn to dress yourself. I know: You like clothes more than people. You know the definition of a sale: an excuse to buy a bunch of stuff you don’t actually need. It’s been said: Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.
By all means block people who harbor secret resentments or jealousies against you. They may end up projecting their own fears onto you. Do not allow their uncharitable and uncaring voices to lodge in your mind. It’s okay to socially edit your life, after all.
Try not to cave in internally by attacking yourself. If you allow yourself to melt into self-hate or despair, all will seem lost. Perhaps you spend a great deal of time interpreting yourself as wrong or even shameful. Do not become too fragile, my friends. Extend a great deal of compassion toward yourself.
When things go sideways, you may have an impulse to hide away and reduce communication. Please fight this tendency. Stuffing your feelings or brooding in silence at such a time is your enemy. Take your best friend into your confidence. Genuine love is literally the only force in the world that will get you through. You know what they say: If two people love each other, nothing is impossible, excepting deciding where to eat.
Sometimes the real enemy is inside of you. If you have an inner voice condemning yourself, you will believe everything your aggressor says about you. Tell yourself clearly and often how lovable you truly are. Do you speak to yourself with hate or shame? Learn to replace those internalized words of dislike or disgust with comfort and care.
Do you tend to see yourself as flawed or simply mediocre? It is high time to develop a degree of affection toward your own self. Unfortunately, it may feel comfortable to be disliked or neglected, if that is mostly what you have known in your life. How has your inner psyche been shaped? What perceptions of yourself remain constant in your mental whirlpool? Just how likable or lovable have you turned out to be?
Accept the positive attention of your loved ones. Face down the insanity of the world with your sense of humor, my friends. It’s been said: An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.
It’s okay to mock the absurdities of life. I know: Everything is confusing except for the fact that nothing makes sense. Your welfare is truly of no concern to most people. That is a harsh truth, but do not focus on the darkest dimension. If you accept the indifference of others, you will not fret about how “they” perceive you.
Yet, we dwell on the impression we make on others. Trust me: Your less than impressive side is hardly noticed by most. Liberate yourself from these thoughts, please. After all, how do you feel about others whom you hardly know? Spend your waking energy on your own real concerns.
Above all, laugh. A touch of foolishness may just save you, my friends. Remember that everyone laughs in the same language. And honestly, you can’t be mad at someone who makes you laugh. It’s been said: You grow up the day you have your first real laugh…at yourself.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.