Of course, we wish that no harm will befall us in this life, although it is likely that it will. Can we simply derive satisfaction or comfort from not being sure that it will happen? Optimism surely helps us reduce stress and suffering. It is a healthy coping mechanism for dealing with our unknown future.
Do you think there are any scenarios in which it might be better to actually be pessimistic? You know what they say: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Believing that something good will always happen is not the same as being hopeful. Of course, you should always try to emphasize the positive parts of your life. We love hearing things such as: “Don’t worry. Everything will be all right.” But what if everything turns out not to be okay?
We may not only be profoundly disappointed, but we might be equally unprepared and unready. Consider, if you will, that it may be helpful not to be caught off guard and completely shocked if something bad does happen to you. Sadly, we are all susceptible to misfortune or a stroke of bad luck.
I know. You’re not pessimistic. You’re optimistic that a bunch of bad things are going to happen. Sheesh. You may have come to believe that through positivity no affliction will fall upon you. I know all about false hope. Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity. You know coffee has a unique aroma that makes you forget how painful it is to be awake.
But truly, what is your attitude about the current state of the world? Are you full of confidence or certainty? Can you be so naive and optimistic that you actually come to deny the possibility of misery or misfortune? Heck, no sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
When hard times occur, you can become completely and utterly overwhelmed and devastated. Perhaps we need to be at least open to the possibility that the worst may happen. We can more likely prepare for inevitable suffering with a small degree of reasonable pessimism, actually.
Do not deny the plausibility of adversity. You may (Heaven forfend) lose your job or wealth; and loved ones do die. Impermanence is the only constant in the universe. However, when you numb painful emotions, you numb positive ones, as well. You cannot selectively numb your feelings, my friends.
Use the situation to your advantage by finding meaning in your circumstances. Do not stick your head in the sand, please. If you simply hope for a better future and feel entitled to something better, you will be profoundly disappointed. They say the nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly either being proven right, or pleasantly surprised.
There was an inmate in a concentration camp who claimed to know the date of his liberation. Viktor Frankl, a Jewish Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, relays that in a dream this man was told when he would be a free man. This date came, and the inmate was nowhere near being liberated. One day after he expected to be liberated, he died. The disappointment literally killed him. He simply lost the will to live.
Well-intentioned friends say: “Smile. Crying won’t help.” “Others have it so much worse.” “Just stay positive.” False hope is empty optimism. Indeed, we must keep the faith despite suffering. Instead of relying on or expecting positive outcomes in the future, we work on what we can in the present. We find meaning despite tragedy.
We must accept our current situations and can even help some who have a similar fate. You know it’s hard to predict the future, especially before it happens. I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of Office. It improved my Outlook.
Seriously, please predispose yourself with more reasonable expectations in life. Then again, I’ve heard it said: I’d rather be optimistic and wrong, than pessimistic and right. Turn your face toward the sun, sweet friends – and the shadows will always fall behind you.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.