Your body will eventually fall prey to the insults of aging. Listen, I just bought a new pair of shoes with memory foam insoles – no more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen. But truly, your career may not be as particularly fulfilling as you had hoped, and some of your biggest dreams could have been fatally crushed. Political progress and peace on earth look laughably improbable at this time.
Do you sometimes feel as though you are literally going down with the ship? Are there any lifeboats in sight? Don’t forget: It’s the little leaks that sink the ship. You know what they say: You can be a lamp, a lifeboat, or a ladder.
You may need to engage your power of imagination, sweet friends. When things go sideways, you simply can’t imagine a happy ending or solution. So you torture and torment yourself over your current situation. But with a bit of creativeness, nearly any problem can be worked around.
You are not imprisoned by narrow circumstances. You have more choices than you realize. Humans are profoundly flexible. We are elastic like Gumby. Blessed are the flexible. For they shall not be bent out of shape. Acquire new traits or interests if need be. People re-invent themselves all the time.
When you’re distressed and dispirited, do you have the power to summon up some alternatives? Can you imagine possibly finding a new job, or learning to trust again? Your boss just said: “Thank you for all of your hard work. We’re going to reward you by giving you other people’s work to finish.” Sheesh. But sincerely, many people are dishonorable, but some are infinitely kind and compassionate.
Believing that you can be happy may even seem like an insult to the facts and reality. We actually might be going down with the ship of life in many ways. But we can be saved. We have alternatives. Your higher calling is to become creative about your options. Despite everything, you can stay hopeful. Decide to cope, in spite of many things seeming so dark and dismal.
Work on having loving relationships. Maintain a fit and healthy body. Try to keep your efforts and your work as rich and rewarding as possible.
Society will surely not afford us the dignity and respect we deserve. Heck, we live in a society where pizza gets to your door faster than the police. The news is always distasteful and displeasing. Consuming it often can most certainly have harmful effects on your psychological life.
When you’re a baby, perhaps you mother can read your little mind. It’s been said: There are times when parenthood seems like nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. However, expecting others to mind-read when you are an adult sets up profoundly unrealistic expectations, my friends. Loved ones cannot determine your needs and wishes without you verbalizing them. Your closest friends may not even know where you deepest sensitivities lie.
It may be gratifying in infancy for loved ones to determine your deepest wishes. In adulthood, however, he really cannot grasp what you are upset about. She cannot intuitively know how you want things done. If he fails, you may go ahead and punish him for not knowing without ever having taught him.
How can she know how you feel, or what you want from life? Is there a right way to turn the lights on or off? Is there a right place to put the remote? I know. You’ll do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up. But truly, is there a justifiable way to view the world? Talk your loved ones through. Use your instructional manual of “You.” Teach them the psychological portrait of yourself so they can meet your needs.
You always have options. Visualize the “child” in him and view him with tenderness. Bad behavior is the result of pain or a wound that never healed. Do you ever wonder why she acted the way she did? No one was born evil. They may have grown toward meanness and maliciousness due to this unhealed wound or a profound fear.
This does not mean that you leave him the liberty to cause you more pain or suffering. Yet we can still explore the origins of the behavior of the bully. Was he belittled his entire life? Did she suffer emotional neglect as a child?
Transform your attitude. Know that anger can mask fear. We are all offenders in one way or another yet wish to be treated with empathy. Protect yourself above all from cruel or hurtful people, but do extend compassion and mercy to yourself, as well as to others.
How the world around you unfolds itself is not up to you. Act with self-control, honesty, and humility. Stay in the present and do not gaze into the possible impenetrable darkness of the future. The world may not grant your wishes, sweet friends.
Do not waste your precious energy emotionally clinging to your circumstances. Please do not resist what simply “is” and what you cannot change. When asked if your cup is half full or half empty, simply respond: “I am thankful that I have a cup.” What is in your control at this very moment? Do you need to rewrite some of your story?
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.