What does it mean to you to feel utterly happy? What if I told you that you don’t always have to feel as anxious and unsettled as you usually do? The truth is that we humans scarcely appreciate the beauty and wonder that lies all around us.

Perhaps you can choose to connect more deeply with her instead of your usual chit-chat. You will have to let go of your defenses and underlying fears. What if you actually noticed the brilliant Sun today? How about savoring that chocolate bar instead of scarfing it down or feeling guilty after having it? Listen, I can take whatever life throws at me—especially if it’s dipped in chocolate first.

But truly, you may be able to experience fulfillment on an immensely different scale. If you follow breaking news each morning with breakfast, you may come to the conclusion that life is fundamentally dreadful.

Certainly, people can be unkind and they often are. Indeed, life has a great deal of suffering. Sometimes our own distorted psychology prevents us from a higher level of happiness. Perhaps you were never rewarded for being jolly or joyful as a child.

It could be that you were emotionally deprived or received the message from your parents that giggling or cheerfulness is immature or even wrong. Do you tend to have a downbeat mindset? You need not remain loyal to ideas you received as a child.

There is no logical reason, sweet friends, to hold onto sadness or sorrowfulness. Dare to be open to playfulness and happiness. Choose friends who don’t reinforce your sense of doom and gloom or pessimism.

Indeed, you were unable to choose your past. But what can you aim for going forward? Do you ever wonder what makes her so happy all the time? Do you envy the habits he seems to have cultivated which make him seem satisfied and stoked? You know what they say: Measles are less contagious than bad habits. Me? I don’t have any bad habits. I’m good at all of them.

But on a serious note, genetics and your circumstances play a huge role in your disposition, but what of your attitude? How often would you say you experience positive emotions? Sometimes we forget that good can actually come out of a bad situation.

Don’t forget to hold onto your passions in life. Playing that video game or watching a film can relieve the pressure of a long day at work or with the kids. You know what those gamers say: I went outside once. The graphics were not so good. But truly, spend time with people you genuinely enjoy. Indeed, not every family member or friend reminds you what is worth living for.

Always try to give back as much as you can. When you act in a charitable way you can get a helper’s high and end up feeling exhilarated. The reward center in your brain will actually get triggered.

Name a few simple moments in your life that bring a smile to your face. Believe it or not you may be happy without even realizing it at times. Do not take simple pleasures for granted. And do savor that morning coffee please. You know what they say: Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

You do have to make a conscious effort to be happy, sweet friends. We humans need to be driven by a purpose. Do you know what yours is? You do not have to know the meaning of life to know the meaning of yours.

Even your happiest friend faces hardships and struggles. We all fall into a hole now and again. But the most pleased among us foster the quality of resilience above all. Have the courage to express your true feelings throughout your life.

Some friendly advice: Don’t expect YOU from other people.

 Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.