How often do you find yourself questioning and doubting your own judgment? I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure anymore. Sheesh. You made a decision, but for some unknown reason it has now come under intense scrutiny and review by none other than you. Don’t let the mixed signals fool you. Indecision is a decision.
Sometimes you feel so much regret or vexation that you literally try to reverse your choice. You finally decided to leave that unfulfilling, low-paying career, and yet after a few unsuccessful job interviews you begin to tell yourself it wasn’t that awful after all. You had the courage to end that unhealthy relationship, and here you are texting him yet again at 2 a.m.
Texting: the art of pretending you are busy to avoid a phone call. I’m sorry. I cannot come to the phone right now because I am busy texting. Y’all know the drill.
You reflected on those decisions deeply, and yet now that time has passed, your judgment becomes clouded and uncertain. You question your original view of the friend you let go. You may conveniently forget all the flaws in his character that informed your decision to finally leave.
Every day you get in your own way. What you must do, sweet friends, is engage the reasonable part of you. Question whether your wavering is due to fear. If your original opinion was truly accurate, then place your faith in yourself and your ability to make up your mind and determine your fate.
You must learn to trust what you knew when you made that choice—not what you feel at the moment. Do you know which characteristics define you? If you struggle with that, you may have a weak sense of self and may not know yourself well at all.
Do you find yourself feeling as though you must constantly agree or comply with his wishes? Can you say “No” to her at times without feeling guilty?
Do not put too much emphasis on what “they” think of you to determine your own happiness. Have a realistic view of your abilities and talents. This will give you a foundation to grow and ultimately become your best self.
Do you struggle to define your own values or beliefs? Be proud of yourself when you do well on a task. Do not wait for her praise. You need an honest perspective about who you truly are. Someone once said: I’d rather have someone tell me I have something in my teeth than flatter me.
Spend some time alone. Then again, they say that you never feel more alone than when you’re trying to put sunscreen on your back. Get to know yourself without all the distractions and diversions. If you wish to be in tune with yourself, you must know what you want or how you feel. Please do not neglect your own needs, sweet friends.
Perhaps you put his needs before your own. If you value your own inner peace and happiness, you cannot live to only please those around you. You matter. Be compassionate and kind to your loved ones, but do not overly rely on her for all of your needs.
You might have grown up in an undesirable or unfortunate situation. Those circumstances can make loving yourself extremely challenging.
Perhaps you feel like a chameleon, changing when you are around others and hiding your true self. Do you tend to overanalyze your own behavior at times? Then you decide to simply mimic those around you. If you have a strong fear of being judged by others, know this: You will be. We all judge, sweet friends.
But do not make changes simply to appear more acceptable to him or her or the crowd. It’s been said: Happiness comes in the form of pajamas and a cozy blanket. Let’s be honest. Stress doesn’t go with your outfit.
Take this moment to appreciate all you have done in your life. If you find yourself needing unreasonable affirmation or excessive attention from others, you may have a hard time validating yourself for who you are. Do not settle for less than you can truly achieve in life.
In the words of Dr. Seuss: Today I shall behave as if this is the day I’ll be remembered.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.