Some days you can feel like your own worst enemy. Believe it or not, how you treat yourself can actually be more destructive than how others treat you. For the sake of your well-being, you need to look inward, sweet friends.
Grab a mirror. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who needs a filter most of all? Uh oh. Do you recognize a toxic person looking back at you at times? Many of us seek approval and even try to avoid conflict in order to get it. You may apologize way too often or worry that you are always inconveniencing him. Stop pressing that automatic apology button.
You may suspect that at work your ideas are not good enough. Do not undervalue yourself, please. You are worthy of being heard, even if your boss does not make it appear so. Your opinions matter as much as anyone else in your circle of friends as well.
Sadly, some of our own family members or friends can make us feel small. Having a partner who forever criticizes your choices can be terribly demoralizing. Perhaps she only calls you when she needs something from you. Ouch.
One-sided friendships can diminish your self-esteem. Perhaps you check your phone every five minutes, longing for messages that never even come. Speaking of which, they say that phones these days keep getting thinner and smaller. People—the opposite.
But truly, online attention is not an indicator of your self-worth. Giving her so much power over your emotions can show a lack of confidence in yourself.
Do not allow yourself to be crushed all day because your boss criticized you yet again. Are you overly sensitive to her criticism of your appearance or child-rearing techniques? Then again, someone once said: “I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.” Look at sincere feedback as a chance to improve if need be. But do not allow it to affect your value or worth.
If her comments were simply meant to erode your self-worth, perhaps you need to distance yourself from her if possible. If he disrespects you, don’t tell yourself that you are simply “too sensitive.” That is dismissing your very valid feelings, sweet friends.
If your inner voice or intuition senses something wrong, do not let him convince you that you must be imagining things. If you compare yourself to him and his financial success, you set yourself up for constant disappointment.
For mercy’s sake, stop being jealous of her Instagram holiday photos. Yes, it may very well be the highlight reel of her life. But you do not know anything about her “behind the scenes” reality. Speaking of which, a hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said: “Thank G-d for that. What are they?”
But honestly, do not lose your identity. Make sure all of your goals are aligned with your needs. As they say: “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” And please do keep the promises you make to others. In what areas can you grow but at the same time be kinder to yourself?
Expressing your views is important in real relationships. Remember that everyone in your life is imperfect. So when sharing with others, focus on being curious rather than judgmental.
Please do not use guilt or pity to try to get what you want from him. If you need help, ask her directly. Don’t try to manipulate or play upon her sympathy or kindness. You do not have to be constantly on the defensive. Is someone or something else always responsible for your mistakes in life? If so, ask yourself instead: How can I be better?
And by all means, do not go through life always expecting the worst outcome. Your pessimism will dampen everyone’s mood. Negativity causes stress, anxiety, and even depression. Look for solutions instead of focusing on the problems.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.