Whether we realize it or not, we humans are made of emotional states. What is your temperament? Do your moods fluctuate like the weather? You think you know what you need or want, and a moment later, you come to realize that you are not quite as fixed as you think.
Suppose you wake up in a fine mood but suddenly get severe indigestion. How is your disposition when you do not get a good night’s sleep? I’m so tired—almost time to crawl into bed and not be able to sleep for three hours. As they say, insomnia is only mind over mattress. But truly, perhaps you feel a certain way for now but know that you may be a few moments away from the complete opposite frame of mind.
Trust me, the nobler parts of you are not always the ones forming your opinions or ideas. We are all a montage of many moods, sweet friends. When you declare, “This is who I am,” which “me” are you referring to? The one who is eating healthy or the one who just ate all three donuts? I know: “Just cleared out some space in the freezer” sounds so much more productive than “I just polished off another pint of ice cream.”
Are you aware when your mood fluctuates? Do you even know how to manage your feelings, especially when your mood dips? We must learn what causes our moods to shift. Our mental state is subject to change. Indeed, we must learn to contain our sadness when it shows up.
Please bear in mind that we are all vulnerable. We get easily annoyed by small things. You feel much more than you truly realize. Oftentimes, we simply cannot make sense of what we are feeling. But truth be told, we must identify and allow ourselves to feel all of them.
If we do not, we can fall prey to all sorts of symptoms. I encourage you to get more acquainted with your emotions. What are you feeling at this very moment? Do you ever pause and ask yourself that?
It has been estimated that you have roughly 70,000 thoughts a day. How many are you aware of? If you’re an over-thinker and you know it, raise your hand. Which one—left or right? How high—arm too? Seriously, it is quite difficult to process what you have been through in your life. Do you give room to the sadness or anger that you may feel at times?
If you do not acknowledge your anger, you may become irritable with her. If you don’t honor your losses or sadness, you may end up with deep despair. You need to understand those feelings or even take the time to mourn.
Self-exploration is needed. Ask yourself what you are truly anxious about. You may think you’re worried about one thing, but it may be masking what you are really troubled about. It’s important to be brave, but it’s alright to feel sad at times simply because your friend forgot your birthday or your boss did not acknowledge your efforts. At your age, when you say you’re going to get lit on your birthday, let’s face it—everyone knows you’re talking about the cake.
But truly, people may disappoint you, even in fundamental ways. Your spirit will be lighter if you share with a trusted friend what happened and how it made you feel. You can soothe your own inner child as well.
You may notice that your neck is stiff or your shoulders feel tense. Our bodies tend to be burdened with all of our emotions. Please drain your stress. Where are you holding your tension right now? Scan your body. Are your shoulders tight? Is your neck strained? Relax and notice the beautiful things. What still enchants you?
Hold those things in your attention, if even for a few minutes. Make a conscious effort each day to notice what is pleasing to you. Did you taste something delicious? Did the chocolate melt in your mouth? Sometimes, to stop eating all the chocolate, one must first eat all the chocolate. I get it. Did you see a toddler who looked pretty as a picture on your walk today? Try to squeeze some joy out of each day.
By all means, try to make sense of yourself and your choices, sweet friends. Do not try to outshine her. You will only dim your own light. The more you try to impress him, the less you will have the desired result.
Learn to be receptive instead of controlling. Stop trying so hard and learn to flow with your life. The world is complex and ever-changing. Be brave enough to challenge your perceptions and assumptions.
Stop ruminating about past failures, please. Be present and carry yourself gently into the future. Allow things to take their natural course. It’s been said: The best way to predict your future is to create it.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.