I really think we don’t teach our preschoolers enough Chanukah songs.
I know that preschoolers learn a lot already, because they’re not old enough to resent school yet, but there’s always more they could learn, and the best way to teach them anything is through song. My daughter is a preschool morah, and she sings everything. She has a song called, “Come sit down on the carpet,” which she sings when she wants her students to come sit down on the carpet, though it would also be a great song for her to teach if there were school on Tisha B’Av.
But when it comes to yomim tovim, there are not a lot of topics covered in song. Most schools only teach them about 3 or 4 Chanukah songs, and those songs definitely don’t teach them what actually happens on Chanukah.
Sure, we try. We play the song that goes,
Oh Chanukah! Oh Chanukah! Come light the menorah!
Let’s have a party! We’ll all dance the hora…
I know the secular world is obsessed with Jews doing the Hora, but honestly, I don’t even know which one that is.
And who exactly dances the Hora at a Chanukah party? Are you just doing the Hora because it rhymes with menorah? That’s not a good reason.
And no offense, but “We’ll all dance the Hora”? Kindergarteners do not dance the Hora. We definitely should replace that line for them, if we’re going to keep playing the song. We could say,
Let’s have a party! We’ll visit our morah…
But that song is too long for kids to memorize anyway. So instead, we teach them, for example, the dreidel song, which I have some issues with. I feel like people sing, “I have a little dreidel” more than they actually play dreidel.
Even in the song the guy’s not playing dreidel.
For goodness sakes, the song is more focused on what the dreidel is made out of than what it’s actually used for. It’s made out of clay. I don’t think anyone’s made a dreidel out of clay in like a hundred years. If they ever did. It’s a lot of work, and plastic dreidels cost almost nothing. Is it really worth all that work to end up with a lopsided dreidel that no one’s going to pick?
Then in the second stanza, you start talking to the dreidel. That’s how bored you are. You’re like, “Dreidel! Dreidel! Dreidel!” louder than the previous stanza, and then you basically just repeat what you said in the first stanza, in case the dreidel didn’t hear you from all the way in the kiln. “I made you out of clay!” That way the dreidel knows. “And when you’re dry and ready…” Okay, what if I’m dry, but I’m not ready? This sounds very dizzying.
I feel like this song was written by a family that actually did it, during the Great Depression. This was the gift they gave their kids: “Here’s some clay. Happy Chanukah!”
“What do we do with this?”
“Well, we can make dreidels!”
“Now we have to wait for it to dry.”
“Okay, so what do we do until then?”
“Um… let’s sing a song!”
And then the whole song takes twenty seconds, and it’s not dry yet.
“Uh… second stanza. Louder this time: “Dreidel! Dreidel! Dreidel!”
Let’s shout at it; maybe it will dry faster.
I actually looked up how to make a dreidel out of clay. It takes 16 hours in the kiln. And when it’s dry and ready, you have to paint it whatever color you want it to be, and then you have to wait until it’s dry and ready again. Then you paint the letters on and wait again. It’s literally all about waiting.
I also found out that the dreidel song was originally written in Yiddish, and in that version it was made from blay, which is lead. Clearly, that version was written before they stopped making toys out of lead. Especially a dreidel. If you have a baby, you will at some point find every dreidel in the house in the baby’s mouth. Sometimes all at once.
The English version was like, “Can we make it lead? What rhymes with lead?”
“I don’t like where this is going.”
Baruch Hashem, this isn’t our only Chanukah song. There’s also the one that goes:
One little, two little, three little neiros,
Four little, five little, six little neiros,
Seven little, eight little Chanukah neiros,
And the shamash too!”
And that’s it. What about them? Finish your thought!
It’s a nice song for preschoolers, as it teaches them how to count. And the tune is taken from a song about little Indians:
One little, two little, three little Indians,
Four little, five little, six little Indians,
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians,
And the shamash too!
Okay, to be honest, I don’t know how that version ends.
(It’s also to the tune of “Come Sit Down on the Carpet.”)
And then we have a song about latkes that goes,
Latkele, latkele, hop in the pan!
Jump and dance as fast as you can!
Fry and sizzle merrily,
‘Cuz you’re the one I’ll eat, you’ll see!
Which is yet another song where you’re talking to the thing.
“’Cuz you’re the one I’ll eat, you’ll see?” The person making the latkes is not eating just one latke, I’ll tell you that. Also, what does “Jump and dance as fast as you can” even mean? Why as fast as it can? What is that accomplishing? You’re already saying “Fry and sizzle merrily.” Did you just need something that rhymed with pan? Because you could have done better than that. How about,
Latkele, latkele, hop in the pan!
Wow that is smokey, please turn on the fan!
And again, the latke song is about making latkes. It’s not about eating latkes or enjoying latkes. It’s just about the prep. How many kindergartners are making latkes? Are they doing that before or after they’re melting lead? I feel like all the preschool Chanukah songs are about setting up Chanukah: How many candles should I set up? What should I make my dreidel out of?
Also, why is everything little? Little dreidel, little neiros, latkele latkele. Does that make it cuter?
So yeah, we need new songs. I understand that we can’t teach them 30 different tunes, though, so we should just go basically with the tunes that we have. That’s been proven to work, seeing as we also use the same one tune for the Alphabet Song, one version of the Alef Bais Song, “Baa Baa Black Sheep”, and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”
So here are some songs, T.T.T.O. “Latkele Latkele”:
Candles oh candles, let’s open the pack!
They come in a box with like 8 of them cracked!
Your brother grabbed the white and blue,
And left the reds and greens for you.
Lighting the wicks is what it’s all about!
Now let’s sing Maoz—Oh wait, mine went out.
Let me just relight and then,
We’ll sing—Wait it’s out again.
We can also write some more songs T.T.T.O. “One Little Two Little”
One little, two little, three little doughnuts,
Four little, five little, six little doughnuts,
Seven little, eight little, nine little doughnuts,
And that was just this morning.
One little, two little, three little parties,
Four little, five little, six little parties,
Seven little, eight little Chanukah parties,
All on the same night.
We can even write some more songs T.T.T.O. The Dreidel Song:
I made a lil’ menorah,
I made it out of wood,
My mommy was so nervous,
But the whole thing burns real good.
Menorah! Norah! Norah!
Was so easy to light!
The only thing’s I need a new one,
For the second night.
I had a little doughnut,
Filled with jelly with a squirt;
I took a giant bite and then,
I had to change my shirt.
Oh, doughnuts! Doughnuts! Doughnuts!
I could eat them all day,
And if we’re being honest,
That shirt was tight anyway.
My mommy made some latkes,
She made them out of beet,
She said they were more healthy,
But they’re not so fun to eat.
Oh, latkes! Latkes! Latkes!
She made you out of beet!
And when they’re topped with applesauce,
They kind of taste like feet.
I made a batch of doughnuts,
And no one was ecstatic –
It tasted like the pink stuff,
That you find inside your attic.
Oh, doughnuts! Doughnuts! Doughnuts!
I made them gluten free!
And next year when they ask someone,
It probably won’t be me.
I have a hundred dreidels;
I feel like that’s a ton;
And I don’t think I ever bought
A single blasted one.
Oh, dreidels! Dreidels! Dreidels!
I find new ones every spring.
I think the couch is laying them,
If there is such a thing.
I went to buy some doughnuts,
For this party for my kin;
I just bought two, so we will have,
To slice them really thin.
Oh, doughnuts! Doughnuts! Doughnuts!
I don’t care if they’re luxe –
Unless they taste like Gan Eden,
They shouldn’t cost ten bucks.
Tonight we have a party –
It’s gonna be a blast!
But we have to get there, so I hope,
Our candles go out fast.
Oh, candles! Candles! Candles!
We really have to leave!
I guess I’ll close the shades,
While setting fire to my sleeve.
My bubby gave me gelt and,
What more could I ask for?
Though it turns out chocolate gelt is not,
Accepted at the store.
Oh, chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!
At least I will not starve!
I’ll pry them open with my teeth—
Oh never mind; they’re parve.
Now that’s an education!
Mordechai Schmutter is a weekly humor columnist for Hamodia, a monthly humor columnist, and has written six books, all published by Israel Book Shop. He also does freelance writing for hire. You can send any questions, comments, or ideas to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.