The Yamim Noraim tefilos in the Chevron Yeshivah in Jerusalem were always a rousing experience. Opening the beis medrash door on Rosh HaShanah felt as though one were standing on the brink of a fiery furnace. The Shemoneh Esrei sounded just the way it is described in the Shulchan Aruch: not spoken aloud, but rather in a hum, trembling and prolonged. Krias HaTorah was unhurried and articulate, and the shmuess before shofar blowing, given by the Rosh Yeshivah, R’ Yechezkel Sarna ZT”L, was awe-inspiring, leaving the tzibbur with an almost palpable wave of fear and trembling.
And then came the highlight of the davening. The famed Maggid of Jerusalem, R’ Sholom Schwadron ZT”L, would begin the Musaf prayer. His fervent prayer drew every heart after it, so that by the time it was over, each individual felt satisfied to the depths of his being. R’ Sholom was all melody. When he merged with the prayer, and the two merged with the Day of Judgment, and the three merged with a melody that derived directly from the heart, an incomparable symphony formed. He cried easily, with the simple longing of a baby parted from its mother. In his rendition of the various tefillos, R’ Sholom’s davening captured the essence of supplication. He achieved a unique and unforgettable mixture of tranquility and trembling awe.
It was a Musaf that thousands of students carried with them into the coming year, and still carry – up to this very day! While davening, R’ Sholom was no different than he was in his renowned sermons. His innate sweetness was present throughout, punctuated by bouts of stormy tears. He radiated a spiritual joy in the tefillah that naturally transmitted itself to the other worshipers. The melodies he employed were not his own; he drew tunes from famous baalei tefillah, among them R’ Eliyahu Porush, R’ Chaim Menachem Mendelson, R’ Shlomo Zimbalist, and R’ Hirsch Kupshitz. He would begin without much in the way of melody, gradually introducing the music at different points in the service. But the tears, and the special stamp that said “R’ Sholom,” were present from the very start.
One evening, a few days before Rosh HaShanah, R’ Sholom’s brother-in-law, R’ Avraham Dov Auerbach ZT”L, entered the Schwadron home. He saw at once that R’ Sholom was absorbed in introspection and preparation for the Day of Judgment. R’ Avraham Dov asked him, “R’ Sholom! I’d like to learn the truth about what is in the hearts of baalei tefillah, and specifically in your own heart, when you cry out emotionally: ‘Hineini he’ani mima’as, nir’ash v’nifchad’ – ‘Here I am, impoverished of deeds, shaken and fearful.’ Are you trembling only before Hashem, or is there some other fear mixed in – the apprehension of beginning Musaf and knowing that the congregation is hanging on every word that comes out of your mouth?”
The question was spoken in innocence, but R’ Sholom seemed troubled by it. The Maggid regarded him for a long moment, and then, in sudden excitement, he seized his pen (this was the time of year when he traditionally kept a Taanis Dibbur, refraining from speech) and wrote, “You speak the truth! You are asking a penetrating question. Moreinu touches on this problem.” (In the introduction to Lev Eliyahu, R’ Eliyahu Lopian ZT”L indicated that he omitted this line completely, and R’ Eliyahu Dessler ZT”L refused to lead the Musaf service out of fear of this very line.)
Two days later, as R’ Sholom began the Musaf tefillah with this unique supplication, there was something different. In a voice filled with heartbreak, R’ Sholom began, “Here I stand, impoverished of deeds ...” and then there was a noticeable pause that lasted a few seconds before he continued aloud, saying, “... shaken and fearful.” Nobody knew why he had paused or for what purpose until it was discovered that R’ Sholom would concentrate hard and whisper the words, “tzarich lihyos” (“I should be”), during that pause.
From that Rosh HaShanah and for several years afterward, R’ Sholom maintained this practice until people found out and questioned him about it. Later, he changed his custom and would read these words quietly to himself, only beginning the portion aloud with the words, “Lachein avakeish mimcha, Elokei Avraham ...” – “Therefore, I beseech of You, G-d of Avraham ...”
(“Voice of Truth,” adapted from Kol Chotzeiv)
Rabbi Dovid Hoffman is the author of the popular “Torah Tavlin” book series, filled with stories, wit and hundreds of divrei Torah, including the brand new “Torah Tavlin Yamim Noraim” in stores everywhere. You’ll love this popular series. Also look for his book, “Heroes of Spirit,” containing one hundred fascinating stories on the Holocaust. They are fantastic gifts, available in all Judaica bookstores and online at http://israelbookshoppublications.com. To receive Rabbi Hoffman’s weekly “Torah Tavlin” sheet on the parsha, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.