Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski zt”l, an expert in the field of understanding the human mind and psyche, recalled an episode he witnessed when he was a psychiatrist in a large state hospital with hundreds of mentally ill patients. Medical students would visit the hospital periodically, and he would deliver lectures as well as show them various cases described in psychiatric literature but rarely seen outside an institution.
On one occasion, while touring a chronic care facility, Rabbi Twerski pointed out a man who was the “senior” patient in the hospital. He had been admitted 52 years earlier at the age of 17. He hadn’t spoken a single word for the last 52 years. On top of that, he maintained a very unusual routine. After breakfast he would stand in a corner of the community room and assume an absurd, contorted position with his hands directed upward, maintaining this posture for hours until he was called for lunch. After lunch, he would return to the position until supper, and then again until bedtime. No therapy or medication—even electroshock treatment—had succeeded in altering his behavior, which he had maintained for all those years. No amount of urging could get him to sit down except at mealtimes.
One of the young medical students on the tour asked if he could speak to this patient. “Certainly,” Rabbi Twerski said, wondering what impact the young man thought he could have when decades of psychiatric efforts had failed.
The student approached the man and told him that he must be tired from standing so long, so why didn’t he sit down? The man gave him a blank stare and did not move. The student then assumed the contorted position of the patient, duplicating his posture with great precision. Looking directly at the patient, the young medical student said, “I’ll stand here like this. You can go sit down.” Without a word, the patient sat down on a bench—for the first time in 52 years!
The entire facility was in an uproar! What they could not understand or remedy for over half a century, this young medical student figured out in less than five minutes. Rabbi Twerski was impressed and said, “While it’s impossible to know what was going on in this man’s mind, it is likely that his delusion may have been that by assuming this weird position, he was holding up the universe, and he clearly could not submit to all entreaties to leave that position, lest the world collapse.” (You may ask, as we all did, why he would leave to eat and sleep. But there was no rationale to his behavior.)
For all those years no one had understood this person until this ingenious medical student solved the mystery. But why? Granted this was irrational behavior, but what we suddenly understood was that this unusual behavior had great meaning to the patient, and yet no one had tried to understand it. This strange behavior was simply dismissed as “crazy,” and no further consideration was given to it or to him. By showing this patient compassion and understanding, the medical student performed a mitzvah: he showed kindness, allowing the patient to feel some relief. A connection was formed between the irrational mind and the rational. Who knows how far such an understanding might have gone if it had happened many years earlier.
Sometimes the greatest chesed one can do for another is to attempt to understand someone else’s situation. Even if we don’t agree with that person, and he may even be doing something weird or strange, we should try to understand where he is coming from and help him. Unfortunately, this is a big problem with many people, especially today’s youth. They sometimes act in ways we don’t want them to. Labeling them with derogatory names (bums, OTD, at risk, etc.) will not help and can only hurt them more. What we need is to use our compassion and ingenuity to try to understand that there is a “method to their madness.” We must befriend them and find out what precisely is bothering them. We must try to understand them no matter how far apart our beliefs might be. This is true kindness, a connection. If more of us tried to build this bridge, there’s no telling where such kindness might take us. Think about it the next time someone around you acts in a way you do not immediately understand. You might just help him or her in a way you never thought possible.
Rabbi Dovid Hoffman is the author of the popular “Torah Tavlin” book series, filled with stories, wit and hundreds of divrei Torah, including the brand new “Torah Tavlin Yamim Noraim” in stores everywhere. You’ll love this popular series. Also look for his book, “Heroes of Spirit,” containing one hundred fascinating stories on the Holocaust. They are fantastic gifts, available in all Judaica bookstores and online at http://israelbookshoppublications.com. To receive Rabbi Hoffman’s weekly “Torah Tavlin” sheet on the parsha, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.