We moved. Okay…so, we didn’t really move. It just feels that way. We still live in Ramat Beit Shemesh. Same address. But our home is different now. It appears that the United Nations has uprooted itself from New York City and transplanted itself right in our home. No, we are not anti-Semitic. Of course, not! We love Israel! We love Jews. And we all get along well, baruch Hashem. But some things have changed.
Two years ago, our son married a girl who speaks almost no English. She understands English, but only when it’s spoken with an Israeli accent - which my husband and I do not have. When that couple visits, we do our best to speak as much Hebrew as possible so that our daughter-in-law can follow all of our interesting, stimulating, thought-provoking, and eye-opening conversations. (I know. I know. I can intuitively sense your desire to be part of those conversations, not to mention partake of the delicious gourmet over-the-top Shabbos meals. We can talk about that another time.) Three months ago, another son married a girl who speaks very little Hebrew. So, if we want her to follow those same interesting, stimulating, thought-provoking, and eye-opening conversations, we need to have them in English. Are you catching on? One doesn’t speak Hebrew and one doesn’t speak English. We are a family united but without a common language.
Besides making effective communication easier, sharing a common language fosters connection and establishes family identity. We need to come up with a way for everyone to connect despite our language challenges.
So, life has become interesting. How do we make everyone feel comfortable if not everyone speaks the same language? This is tricky. We first considered using earphones similar to those used when the UN was still located in Manhattan. Anyone listening to a language they didn’t speak could put on their earphones, turn to the appropriate channel, and listen to a translation in their language of choice. This solution worked very well at the United Nations, but the problem is that the issue often comes up in our home on Shabbos. The earphones are muktza. Maybe there is a heter (leniency) to use earphones on Shabbos for the purpose of shalom bayis. Could be, but I don’t know of one. We’ll have to ask our rav. Maybe he will be able to reach deep into his magical heter bag and come up with something. But until then, we are putting this idea on hold.
We then floated the idea to alternate languages for each course of our Shabbos meals. One course can be in Hebrew, and the next one in English. Then back to Hebrew, and so on. This seemed to be a reasonable idea. I thought that if we make kidush in Hebrew and bentch in Hebrew, the course in between could be English. As a bonus, we could even throw in a few Hebrew z’miros here and there. My idea was not well received. Next…
Another idea I thought of was to play charades. Rather than speaking, everyone can act out what they would like to say. This can work for any language and can be a fun bonding experience for the family. But no one liked that idea. While I’m still happy to sit down and play a good game of Rummikub, my kids don’t like games very much.
I used to participate in an exercise class where the instructor gave all directives in both Hebrew and English. In my mind’s eye, I can imagine my family sitting at the beautifully-set Shabbos table (yes, the one with the delicious cuisine) as everyone says everything in two languages. I can see that everyone understands the conversation, but the conversation does not flow and meals take double the time. No one will want to wait that long for dessert or bed. No good.
I was beginning to run out of ideas until two weeks ago when we hosted a friend who practiced law in New York a while back. She told us about her client who brought her son along to a meeting so that he could be her translator. The other lawyer did not feel that a child, especially one who belonged in school, should serve as a translator. Instead, she called a telephone translation service to do the job. While the client talked about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband, the translator made no mention of those things. The child realized that the “translator” was not translating what his mother was saying. This story gave me food for thought.
I now realize that the solution is to send our boys, the husbands of the monolingual women, up to bat. In addition to all the wonderful things our boys do that make them the best husbands in the world, they will also have to play the role of translators. While this job may be cumbersome on one hand, it has its advantages. As attentive husbands, the boys will be cognizant of the types of comments that might trigger their wives. If anyone at the table says something that one of the monolingual women would find offensive, her husband can quickly doctor up the statement so that she only hears the “right” thing coming out of our mouths. If I, as a domineering mother-in-law (of course, this is the funniest line in this article because nobody would ever describe me that way) would say something about my daughter-in-law giving too many sweets to my grandson, my son can tell her that I said that she makes the most delicious sweets for dessert. If I mention that the couple’s apartment is a mess, my son can “translate” that I noticed their apartment is never a mess. We will be in a position where we can say no wrong and always come out smelling like roses. Hmmm. Not bad. The more I think about this idea, the more I like it…
The entrepreneurial-inclined me is now thinking about opening a new business. I will call it “Tricky Translations.” My professionally-trained staff will build and maintain bridges, and enhance relationships with no need for mediators or therapists. Maybe if we all aspire to this occupation, the world will be a better and more peaceful place to live.
Suzie Steinberg, (nee Schapiro), CSW, is a native of Kew Gardens Hills and resident of Ramat Beit Shemesh who publishes articles regularly in various newspapers and magazines about life in general, and about life in Israel in particular. Her recently published children’s book titled Hashem is Always With Me can be purchased in local Judaica stores as well as online. Suzie can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and would love to hear from you.