Are you embarrassed by your flaws, faults, or failings? Funny how, when we see a character in a movie or book who has weaknesses, we actually relate to them and root for them. No matter how shy or insecure he is, you always pray that in the end, he gets the girl. And no matter how awkward or uncertain she is, you hope she gets that dream job after the interview. So why, oh why, are we not rooting and roaring for ourselves the same way?
Please let me know if you have ever stumbled across a perfect human being with no defects, deficiencies, or blemishes whatsoever. I’ll wait.
Truth is that our faults show us what areas we need to fine-tune and work on. And guess what? At least we found one thing that we have in common with the rest of humanity. We all feel fear and insecurity, and lack confidence in some areas of our lives. Yes, everyone on Instagram is savage and no one’s average. But back in the real world... we all have chinks in our armor.
So how good are you at getting to know the person who matters most? Umm…that would be – you. Sure, it’s hard to admit shortcomings and inadequacies, no doubt. Feeling insufficient is an occupational hazard of being human, my friends. Being aware of a single fault of your own is worth more than being aware of 1,000 in someone else. The harsh truth is that the more you try to hide your weaknesses or defects, the more obvious they become to others. Okay, so you “work out” and you’re one heck of a smooth talker. Sure, abs are great, but have you tried doughnuts? Lol. Besides those 12-pound weights, we all carry around our little bag of tricks to hide our insecurities; but why?
It’s high time to recognize all your parts: strengths and weak points. Think about how much courage it takes to shine a light on our blotches and blemishes. Believe it or not, your weakness can also be your greatest strength. Perhaps you are too emotional at times; but that can mean you are deeply passionate about causes you believe in, as well. Better a one-hit wonder than a one-quit blunder.
Your relationship with yourself will determine the kind of life you lead. What do you think? Do you spend more time criticizing and hating on yourself or loving and accepting your uniqueness? Loving yourself is not just poetry. It is all about your daily habits and actions. Do you take care of your precious self? Eat well, sleep enough, feed yourself mentally and spiritually? Speaking of sleep, are you four days past your bedtime? The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more. So please try to grab a few more winks.
And speaking of eating… Ask not what you can do for your country; ask what’s for lunch. Heh. Want the key to healthful eating? Avoid any food that has a TV commercial. So, can you name three ways that you can take better care of yourself?
And while you’re at it, go to your closet and take out those skeletons, once and for all. Heck, if you can’t get rid of that skeleton, you might as well make it dance. Instead of hiding from your past, it may be time to try to understand it. The person you are at this very moment can be traced right back to your childhood. Perhaps it’s time to get to know that little boy or girl you once were – and contemplate your life story.
And choose friends wisely, please. The folks you spend most of your time with are the ones who influence you the most. Okay, sweet friends, it’s – story time.
Once upon a time there was a water bearer who had two large pots. They hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of a very long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot always arrived only half full. For several years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master’s house.
The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, fulfilled in the design for which it was made. But the poor, cracked pot was always ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was unable to accomplish what it had been made to do.
After years of enduring this bitter shame, the pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself and I must apologize to you.” “Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”
I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws and imperfections, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and said: “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice these beautiful flowers along the path.”
As they went up the hill, the old cracked pot noticed the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and was appeased somewhat. But at the end of the trail, it still felt the old shame because, yet again, it had leaked out half its load. Again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, “Did you not notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, and not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, but I took advantage of it. I purposely planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day as we’ve walked back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. “Without you being just the way you are, he would never have had this beauty to grace his house.”
Indeed, we are all cracked – some more than others. Heh. But you’re a good egg even if you are slightly cracked. Remember: It’s the crack that lets the light in.
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.