Do you like your own personality? Maybe you talk too much. Remember the time you stopped talking? Me neither. Uh-oh. I talk too much. I’m socially awkward. Heck, I’m never sure if I’m socially awkward or the person I’m talking to is. Someone just called me normal. I have never been so insulted in my life.

Are you your own worst judge? What qualities about yourself do you possibly dislike? Sure, there’s always room for improvement, right? First things first. Please accept your imperfections. If you wish to press forward, start with some truth. Want what is best for yourself. Don’t be afraid to take a peek. Self-awareness will show you your strengths and weaknesses.

Perhaps your parents or friends have been a tad too critical or and condemnatory. You may have become harsh and heavy-handed with yourself. When was the last time you heard: “I’m proud of you”? Don’t you sometimes wish you were a kid, so you could take a long nap, and everyone would be so proud of you? No need to wait till you reach your goal. Be proud of every step you take toward it.

So, you’re too impulsive, eh? Why cook a healthful meal when there’s a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup right there? I know. Peanut butter is the glue that holds your life together. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate. But truly, would you rather people think that you have poor impulse control, or admit how much thought went into all your bad decisions? You may have to delay that momentary gratification for the long-term gain.

“I’m going crazy. Get in. You’re riding shotgun.” Remember this please: Just because everyone doesn’t like you, does not make you an unlikable person. You simply can’t be pleasing and preferable to every person on the planet. Don’t model or mold yourself just to “fit in.”

“Oh, man, I am so uptight. And no one gets my jokes.” Listen, dealing with someone with no sense of humor is no laughing matter. Sometimes, it’s really not about you. People who are way too easily offended can literally suck the joy out of any social situation. I hear there’s a new app called “sense of humor.” You may want to download it. You know what they say: If you have no sense of humor, then you have no sense at all. After all, who couldn’t use a bit of comic relief right about now?

“I’m so bored of being bored because being bored is really boring.” She just told you that you’re tiresome and tedious. She then said: I’m not judgmental. I just have really good assessment skills. Ugh. Do you feel dry, dull, and boring at times? Guess what? You can improve your social skills. Think about alternative ways of doing things sometimes. Broaden your horizons.

Become a more refined, healthier person. But make sure you define “healthier.” In what ways did you better yourself? Do you pay attention to the needs of your friends and loved ones?

You may want to put the brakes on some of those attention-getting posts online. Put that phone down and slowly back away from the table. You can do it. “Smart” phones: making the world look illiterate – one auto-correct at a time. Listen, it’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green. Please don’t miss out on your life because you’re too busy scrolling through someone else’s.

“My opinions may change, not the fact that I am right.” Sheesh. Try to listen attentively to someone who holds a different opinion than you do. Hang on every word. Can you try to understand her point of view or perspective at all? Look into his eyes. Make her feel like she’s the most important in the world. Of course, you know when a woman says, “What?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

Go ahead and compliment her. Offer him that praise and pat on the back. Believe it or not, we are very influenced by the moods of those around us. What are you spreading?

It’s okay to reveal your slipups and shortcomings to those whom you trust. Bringing your imperfections out into the open actually makes you more relatable. Always provide positive feedback when you can.

So what is a good personality? Do you think most people are drawn to you, or shy away from you? Are you pleasant to be around? Do you light up a room when you enter?

Please don’t try to be a carbon copy of anyone. Simply respect yourself and those around you. Make sure others are included. Think about people and do nice things for no reason. A little bit of optimism is always appreciated. Go ahead and sprinkle sunniness around. You know the sun still shines – even when it’s hiding.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.