It’s the end of the day. You have a bunch of things to talk about, but no one to really talk to? Getting cute “good night” texts from no one. Sigh. They say: “You find love in every corner,” so you’re convinced that your life is a circle.
You are literally surrounded by people. They’re smiling, seem to be relating, bonding, and having the time of their lives. Yet there you are, just looking at them and thinking: “Nobody here really gets me at all.” Then that lonely feeling comes crashing in. Well, I’m here to tell you, my friends, that sometimes the people who feel the most out of place are the ones seeing through the fake, phony frauds that society calls “normal.”
Perhaps you feel detached from the crazy ole world around you. You see people desperately trying to fill that inner void with all kinds of distractions. Pick your poison: obsession with careers, fashion, possessions, and even nonstop socializing. You like long, romantic walks down the shoe aisle? Hint: You may need to find hobbies that don’t include your debit card. I know you know this feeling: You went to buy a dress, saw that beautiful pair of shoes, so you bought the handbags. Lol. Then, again, shopping is the shortest distance between two points: You and Broke. But we truly will do anything to avoid that empty feeling within. You really thought you wanted that career. Turns out you only wanted paychecks?
What you desire more than anything is some high-quality closeness with friends. Spiritual deprivation may just be the biggest epidemic in our world at this time. We all come with baggage. So how on earth do we find someone who will help us unpack? You’re the one always craving something deeper; more meaningful. You spend hours wondering why is it so dang difficult to find that intense human connection with someone.
That feeling of rejection or isolation can weigh so heavily on your heart. After all, each and every one of us yearns to feel wanted and accepted. Realize this: You were not meant to feel “approved of” all of the time. Suppose your values and standards are higher than the group you are in. Or perhaps you just don’t care all that much about money, power, status, or appearance. A spiritual journey may leave you with fewer so called “friends.” At times like that, please try to be satisfied and gratified with your own journey – especially because it may not be to the mall. Speaking of which, did you ever see a car in the middle of the mall and wonder: “How did they get that in here?”
It is perfectly normal to seek like-minded people. Why wouldn’t you? If it makes you feel any better, realize that some of the most knowing and evolved people in the history of the world confessed to feelings of loneliness and even desolation. Hang onto your faith.
Trying to get everyone’s approval will not only leave you terribly disappointed, but flat-out exhausted. If you happen to spend a lot of time alone, please do not view this as a failure of some sort. Do not deem yourself inferior or pitiful. It’s actually a perfect time for introspection and self-reflection. It may seem quite the challenge to find and surround yourself with genuine people. Discover your hopes and dreams, sweet friends. Finding a purpose will offer you a sense of satisfaction and peace of mind that no one on earth can give you. If you don’t have a passion to pursue, please discover one.
In the meantime, go for a cup of coffee. And while you’re at it, strike up a convo with someone. Don’t be shy to compliment her shoes or hat, or fight about the Steelers, Giants, Cowboys, or Browns. Take your camera with you and take pictures of Nature and beauty that surrounds you. Try out that new recipe. Immerse yourself in an awesome book or podcast that can take your mind off your loneliness for a spell. It’s okay, really. Just remember: Making a thousand friends is no miracle. Making one true friend when those thousands turn against you? That’s the miracle.
It was once said: “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”
Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens. She works with individuals, couples, and families. Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends. She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.