You’re trying to take one day at a time. But sometimes several days attack you all at once. You always dreamed of that perfect job, and you just never got it. You wanted a family so badly, but you haven’t even met your Prince or Princess yet. Maybe your prince is coming on a turtle instead of a white horse. Sigh. Things are not going exactly as you had planned. You feel like you’re in Season 4 of your life; and the writers are just doing outrageous things to keep it interesting. Good grief.

You’re not seizing the day. You’re kinda poking it with a stick? You may have hit a brick wall. Perhaps something devastating happened to you. Your rock solid foundation feels like it’s crumbling to pieces, and you finally lose hope. You no longer believe that good times are ahead of you. You just threw your arms up in resignation; and simply gave up the good fight.

I know. Some days you wish Flintstones made chewable morphine. What to do now? If you feel as though you are trapped under a pile of rubble with no light whatsoever seeping through, then how can you possibly believe that the rescue workers are on their way to dig you out? Life is tough, sweet friends; but so are you.

Just think. You’ve been through hard times before. We all have. And you managed to make it to the other side. This time will be no different. What was your sustenance and support then? Was it a close friend, family member, music, books, or perhaps going to the gym that stopped you from getting totally lost in your struggle and suffering? One thing is for certain. You cannot let bad times run the show. Sometimes those bad times are a down payment for your good times ahead. All you need to survive is a backbone, a wishbone and a funny bone.

The truth is that at times we face ordeals and obstacles not because we are doing something wrong, but because we are doing something right. You may have to fight that battle more than once to win it, my friends. Your heart may be broken, and you don’t believe you will ever be able to fix it. It may be bruised for a long while, but as long as it is still beating, it will mend.

They say that life is kind of like a roller coaster. You can scream every time you hit a bump – or throw your hands up in the air and just enjoy the ride.

Please do not underestimate the power of sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or someone objective. The secret is that by expressing those emotions out loud, you are actually giving them less power over you. It will also remind you of the most compelling thing of all: You are not alone. Please lean on others: your family, friends, or even community. They can offer you a different perspective and inspire you to keep pushing through the pain or loss.

A softer way of living, sweet friends, is to live for the moment. Thinking of the future may seem unbearable right now. Try to bring yourself back to the present as much as possible. Do not believe thoughts of despair, despondency, or desperation. Don’t believe everything you think. Whisper words of comfort and compassion to yourself that you would say to your best friend.

Have a cause bigger than yourself. We all need something to give us relief and reassurance; that is your “Why.” Don’t worry about the “How.” You will get through it one minute at a time if you do not lose sight of your aim. Even if the goal is to simply survive another day. “One day” or “Day one”: It’s your decision.

Fan that tiny flame of hope inside yourself. Try to shift your focus away from yourself. Helping others can be a G-d-send at a time like this. Remind yourself how the most successful people in the world have failed countless times. Life is truly trial and error: mostly error – like a boatload of error.

You know what they say: Life is like looking for you phone – most of the time, it’s in your hand. As always… I am right here.

Caroline is a licensed psychotherapist, crisis counselor, and writer with an office in Queens.  She works with individuals, couples, and families.  Appointments are available throughout the week and weekends.  She can be reached at 917-717-1775 or at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or at facebook.com/pages/Safe-Haven-Healing.