Approximately 13 years ago, I wrote my first article for the Queens Jewish Link, and it was titled “Baby Fingers.” I return to the topic because the issue with baby fingers continues to bother me.
For years, these sugary, tasteless Pesach biscuits were known as “lady fingers.” Then, suddenly, they became “baby fingers.” The reasoning was obvious: “Lady fingers” were reminiscent of adult females, and engaging with them would supposedly have the wrong connotation.
This illustrates how our community goes to great lengths to avoid any direct contact with the opposite sex. Personally, I think it’s sad that the mention of lady fingers could trigger the wrong thoughts. Is that how far we’ve come in keeping our distance from females? There is something not normal and, in fact, not healthy about it.
The same holds true for the chareidi policy of not publishing any pictures of women, no matter how tzanua they may be. Even in a crowd shot, the image of a woman is blurred out. I can understand the policy if the woman in question was not dressed in the most modest fashion; but this policy even extends to rebbetzins of renown. In magazines that feature an article on a woman of note, her kitchen and dining room will be shown, but not her.
When a woman is honored at an event, a picture of the husband will be displayed instead. It seems to be silly. Do we walk around with blinders so that we may not catch the sight of a woman? To be sure, there are some very pious Jews who cover their eyes or fix them to the floor in the presence of a woman, but that is not the conduct of an average Orthodox ben Torah Jew.
Recently, the roshei yeshivah in Eretz Yisrael issued a proclamation that concerts may no longer entertain men and women, even if there is complete segregation between the two. Furthermore, men may not perform for a women’s concert. This essentially kills the concert enterprise.
Yeshivah students in Israel have very few outlets, if any. They don’t play sports, and they cannot access smartphones. That is why so many yeshivah students participate in protests and riots; it is one of the only outlets they have.
In a related incident, when the kosher music and video platform 24/6 was released, it was banned by some of the roshei yeshivah. They did not even meet with the ownership. Of course, today the platform is enjoyed by countless frum families. But why is the immediate reaction always “no good”?
Then there were lace-front sheitels, which have a very natural look. Immediately, rabbanim came out against them. Today, the average frum woman wears lace-front sheitels.
No doubt many social issues need to be addressed, but they do not necessarily need to be met with an immediate negative reaction.
Rabbi Yoel Schonfeld is the Rabbi Emeritus of the Young Israel of Kew Gardens Hills, President of the Coalition for Jewish Values, former President of the Vaad Harabonim of Queens, and the Rabbinic Consultant for the Queens Jewish Link.