On Tuesday night, April 28, Chazaq hosted an uplifting shiur at the Torah Center of Hillcrest with Rabbi Benzion Klatzko, Founder of Shabbat.com and a well-known speaker. Rabbi Klatzko began: “We are more than halfway toward receiving the Torah. We’re looking forward to it.” The Chofetz Chaim taught that every word of Torah is equal to the total number of 613 mitzvos.

He shared a story about a young man who once came to his home with a large box containing many different kinds of cake, as well as a second box of cheesecake. This introduced a minhag for Rabbi Klatzko’s shul that they kept every Shabbos day after Musaf: They held a kiddush with cheesecake. This same young man hired a relative who manufactured bimahs professionally to measure and build a gorgeous bimah with wheels for the shul. It was one kindness after another. He became like a host, sharing divrei Torah and offering rides to anyone in need. Yesterday, he was murdered in Colombia. His name was Nachum Yisrael ben Menachem Mendel. Rabbi Klatzko mentioned receiving message after message about this young man, who had been a frequent guest at the Klatzko home. He stated that the shiur was in memory of Liza Brachah bas Ketziah and Nachum Yisrael ben Menachem Mendel.

Rabbi Klatzko taught that we are currently mourning the 24,000 talmidim of Rabbi Akiva who died. There are two angles to this period of S’firas HaOmer: There is the mourning time in memory of the students and, at the same time, the joy of counting toward Matan Torah. Rabbi Klatzko chose to focus on the joyful angle.

He shared that he travels to college campuses all over the country to do kiruv. Students often ask him: How does one date in the religious world? He explains the shidduch resume. They ask how long a couple dates for, and he responds that it could be six times, or perhaps eight or nine. Then they ask: “Rabbi, how does that work? How do you know that he or she is truly the one?”

“You can’t know,” he tells them. “You have to know that he or she has what it takes to be your spouse and the co-parent of your children.” He explained that when you meet someone at a bar or club, you see only superficial things: You do not know if he or she will be a good husband, wife, or parent. In the religious community, we gather all sorts of information. We call references and ask: Is he a ben Torah? Is t’filah important to him or her? Are they careful about lashon ha’ra? What is Shabbos like for them? We look for what is needed to build a house for Hashem. He emphasized that when looking for a shidduch for his children, he cares most about the morals and values of the prospective match.

What is the number one thing we look for in a spouse, friend, mentor, and in ourselves? The motor – the engine – is kindness. We look to see if a person has a ruach, a spirit of kindness. With kindness comes all of bein adam l’chaveiro. When dating, that is the ultimate goal. While Torah and hasmadah are vital, the beating heart that makes someone eligible to marry into a family is kindness. Nachum was a man of such kindness.

Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai once asked what the greatest quality is that a person can have. Rabbi Elazar ben Arach said: having a good heart, and that was the accepted answer. A person with a good heart feels the pain of another and connects to it. He sees the joy of another and celebrates it. Having a good heart is the game changer.

Rabbi Klatzko shared that on his first date with the woman who would become his wife, he asked her about school. She replied: “I am the head of chesed in my Bais Yaakov.” He responded: “Will you marry me?” after only 45 minutes of dating. Kindness was the deciding factor.

However, Rabbi Elazar ben Arach later moved to a city without chachamim and lost his Torah learning; he did not reach his potential. Kindness must be married to Torah; it must have a backbone. Without a moral compass, kindness can become misguided. The world stands on three things: Torah, Avodah, and G’milas Chasadim. The world needs all three legs; otherwise, kindness can eventually devolve into cruelty if it stands alone.

The Torah says that if someone worships Molech, the lay Jewish people should stone him. Normally, stoning is done by the Sanhedrin, but here the people are commanded to act. It says that if you withhold this punishment, Hashem will not forget. Rashi explains that if you hide your eyes from a wrong now, you will hide your eyes from other things later. This is the danger of unchecked liberalism: When you see something wrong and do not act, you justify your inaction once, and then you justify it again. Kindness must be married to justice.

If you want to be a good spouse or friend, work on your kindness. Every scenario has kindness imbued in it. Every night, Rabbi Klatzko makes tea for his wife. It is not about the tea, but the kindness. Every morning, she makes him a thermos of coffee and brings it to his bed. Being kind to your children means giving them a special smile even after a hard day and taking time to listen. Doing a parshah sheet with them on Friday night teaches them self-worth. When you are kind to your childtrn, they learn to be kind to their own future families. Kindness is the engine that changes us.

The talmidim of Rabbi Akiva did not show respect to each other: They should have shown respect by being thoughtful. It all boils down to kindness. Rabbi Klatzko shared details of the chesed he witnessed in his childhood home, which became part of his DNA. His father was an ER doctor who saw patients in their house for free. People would wait in the home, and his father kept medical equipment ready.

When tz’dakah collectors came, his father had boxes of new shoes in the basement: If a man had worn-out shoes, his father gave him a new pair. His mother had a closet filled with gift-wrapped cosmetics; she would give them to a collector who was raising money for a wedding and say: “Please give this to the kallah.” Then she would give him a second box for his own wife. Following that example, the Rabbi and his family now give gift-wrapped watches to visitors to take home to their wives.

Kindness is what we need to accept the Torah. The home of his in-laws was also a legend: His mother-in-law ran a soup kitchen out of her Boro Park kitchen for free. The basement was used as a gemach where people could get an entire wardrobe. Their bedrooms were often filled with guests, including one lady who stayed for 25 years.

Each of us can watch chesed and learn to emulate it. Rabbi Klatzko concluded: “We have the ability to make this world amazing through the chesed the Torah teaches us. Every moment, you have the opportunity to do kindness. When you smile at the next person, you do kindness.”

Rabbi Akiva taught: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Hillel taught: “What is hateful to you, do not do to your friend.” Look for opportunities to be kind. You have unlimited ability to change the world. All the wickedness in the world can be destroyed in a moment if we become the real light to the nations and bring Mashiach.

By Susie Garber