On Tish’ah B’Av, Sunday, August 3, Lewis and Beth Gray hosted a beautiful shiur in memory of Beth’s dear friend Malkah Naomi bas David Moshe a”h (Malka Dembitzer).

Mr. David Linn began by noting that Tish’ah B’Av is a difficult time. To illustrate how hard it is to relate to the loss of the Beis HaMikdash, he shared a personal example: He and his wife once visited his childhood home. The younger children in the family, who had never been there before, had no emotional attachment to it. And those memories were only from 25 years ago – while the Beis HaMikdash was destroyed close to 2,000 years ago.

Mr. Linn described the beauty and significance of the Beis HaMikdash and the enormity of what we lost. The Beis HaMikdash was the dwelling place of the Shechinah and the center of the avodah. It was a place for complete t’shuvah, a source of unity, and a model of spiritual purity. Life revolved around concepts of purity and impurity. Rav Wolbe taught that the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash was akin to the destruction of the entire world: There was no longer a place for the Shechinah.

The Gemara teaches that the First Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of the three cardinal sins: murder, adultery, and idolatry. The Second Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of sin’as chinam – unfounded hatred – which the Gemara says is worse than those three sins combined. Even though the people of that era were involved in Torah learning and meticulous mitzvah observance, this sin still brought destruction.

The sins of the First Beis HaMikdash were considered “less severe,” in a sense, because it was rebuilt 70 years later. But the destroyed Second Beis HaMikdash has yet to be rebuilt – proof that we still have not done ample t’shuvah for the sin of sin’as chinam.

Mr. Linn explained that sin’as chinam is defined by the m’farshim in several ways:

Any hatred not commanded by the Torah

Hatred that one makes no attempt to resolve

Judging others because their customs or practices differ from yours (the Netziv).

Rabbeinu Bachya, in Kad HaKemach, writes that sin’as chinam is the opposite of love. Love can be inherent, like family love; or it can be built, like friendship. Sin’as chinam destroys this bond. Mr. Linn pointed out that this was reflected in the friendship between Beth and Malka, who shared “one heart.”

The famous story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza in the Gemara illustrates the destructive power of sin’as chinam: A host mistakenly invited his enemy, Bar Kamtza, instead of his friend, Kamtza, to a feast. When Bar Kamtza arrived, the host publicly humiliated him, refusing even his offer to pay for the entire feast. The rabbis present said nothing. Bar Kamtza, in anger, went to the Caesar and set events in motion that led to the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash. The host’s name is not given, as he was representative of a wider societal flaw.

Mr. Linn asked: What are the roots of sin’as chinam?

Lack of bitachon – Believing someone can take what Hashem has decreed for you leads to jealousy and resentment.

Gaavah (arrogance) – Thinking you are better than Hashem can lead to any aveirah.

The solution is ahavas chinam: loving someone simply because he or she is a Jew. Rav Kook said that the Beis HaMikdash will be rebuilt when there is widespread ahavas chinam. The Sifsei Chayim teaches that the Second Beis HaMikdash stood on the foundation of achdus; without unity, it could not exist.

Rabbi Chaim Friedlander outlined three areas to build ahavas chinam:

Thought (machashavah) – Recognize that Hashem gives us every challenge for growth, and that time, money, and resources are entrusted to us to share. Remember that every Jew is a child of Hashem. Avoid letting small issues grow into big ones.

Character traits (midos) – Learn musar works, strengthen bitachon, and keep Hashem’s will as your top priority. Cultivate patience and forgiveness, emulating Hashem’s own patience with us.

Actions – Daven with kavanah for shalom, greet others warmly, and give generously. Rav Dessler taught that giving leads to love, which leads to more giving.

The Chofetz Chaim taught that lashon ha’ra destroyed the Second Beis HaMikdash, and that sin’as chinam spreads through speech. Working on sh’miras ha’lashon and not judging others is essential.

M’farshim teach that one day the Third Beis HaMikdash will appear suddenly. May it be soon in our days. We must do t’shuvah for sin’as chinam; Hashem is ready to give, if we are ready to receive.

Thank you to David Linn for the meaningful shiur, and thank you to the Grays for hosting. Next year in Yerushalayim with Mashiach!

By Susie Garber